My Eyes Were Glued to the Candy. Food Controlled Me.

When I worked in consumer marketing years ago, we conducted in-person focus groups to get people’s feedback on things like product names, logos, packaging, magazine ads and TV commercials.

The groups were held at a few different research facilities around the Bay Area. As a facilitator led a group, I sat with my teammates in a dimly lit client lounge and observed the participants from behind a one-way mirror.

While I found the feedback interesting and informative, attending the focus groups was pure agony.

You see, they involved a lot of food—food I had made off-limits.

Focused on the Wrong Thing
The client observation rooms were always filled with heaps of food, from pizza, chips, cheese and crackers to cookies, granola bars, candy and more candy.

I was so preoccupied with all the food surrounding me, I often found it challenging to concentrate on what the focus group participants were saying. 

At the time, I was deeply entrenched in diet culture and had a lot of food rules regarding what I could and couldn’t eat. Unless baby carrots were involved, most of the foods provided were on my forbidden foods list.

Internal Tug-of-War
While my teammates freely enjoyed the food, I struggled with a tug-of-war in my head.

On one end of the rope, my inner Diet Rebel voice was saying “Screw it! Just have a few handfuls! It’s no big deal! You can make up for it tomorrow.” 

Pulling with all its might in the other direction was my inner Food Police voice screaming “Stay away! It’s too many calories! Once you start eating, you won’t be able to stop!”

This internal battle happened not only at focus groups but at any situation involving food I considered bad, banned or risky. 

My food fixation was an all-consuming distraction, one that prevented me from being fully present and engaged with the world around me.

Eyes Glued
At one focus group in particular, I vividly remember eyeing a bowl brimming with M&M’s. My eyes were glued on that colorful candy all night long. I desperately wanted to toss a few handfuls into my mouth but doing so felt like a huge no-no.

Not only was candy frowned upon on my diet, I was also ashamed to be caught eating it in front of my co-workers, who had all at various times complimented me on my seemingly healthy habits, unwavering self-discipline and recent weight loss.

It wasn’t so much that I thought they would make negative comments. I was more worried about them teasing me, perhaps calling me out for cheating on my diet or jokingly saying something like “I can’t believe YOU are eating candy!”

Having what I perceived as an act of weakness witnessed and remarked on by others felt intolerable to me. 

However, once the focus group was over and everyone left the room, I hurriedly dumped a bunch of the M&M’s into my bag and ate them on my way home when no one could witness my transgression. 

I consumed the candy with such a sense of urgency that I hardly tasted it much less enjoyed it. Sneaking it felt more like satisfying an intense need to fill a hole, albeit temporarily, that years of deprivation had dug. 

Restriction Driving Fixation
Afterward, I felt pretty pathetic. Flooded with feelings of guilt and shame, I immediately made a plan to get back on track the next day.

What I didn’t understand at the time was that I didn’t mess up or do anything wrong. That I wasn’t weak or lacking willpower, discipline or self-control. 

I was human. And my behavior was a natural response to food deprivation and scarcity. 

My food restriction was driving my food fixation.

I would have been able to focus on the focus group if I wasn’t denying myself food. It would have been no big deal to eat the foods surrounding me if I wasn’t trying to adhere to a bunch of food rules that ignored my body's needs and desires. 

Control Backfires
Sadly, diet culture teaches us that if your eating feels out of control, you need to pull the reins in tighter and control it more. The opposite is actually true. 

The more you control your food, the more it controls you. 

The more you try to control your eating, the more likely you are to eat in ways that feel out of control and unsatisfying.  

When I ditched dieting and my food rules and started giving myself unconditional permission to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, I stopped fixating on food.

I no longer feared being in situations where food was involved. Instead, I was able to be present, engaged and enjoy myself, my company—and the food.

I wish the same for you.

A Winter Coat Didn't Spoil Halloween. Diet Culture Did.

When I was eight, I dressed up as a fairy princess for Halloween. I’ll never forget what a bummer it was to have to wear my winter coat over my sparkly costume because it was too cold to go trick-or-treating without one. 

I got over my disappointment pretty quickly once I realized my concealed costume didn’t prevent me from collecting candy from all the houses in my neighborhood.

When I got home, I immediately tore off my tiara (made from a Burger King crown) and dumped my bag of goodies on the family room floor. 

Like past Halloweens, I spread everything out on our brown shag carpet so I could assess my glorious haul. I then got busy creating different piles, categorizing the treats by type and preference.

Once my inventory was done, my three siblings and I traded for our favorites. I happily swapped peanut butter kisses and popcorn balls for candy bars, bubble gum and jawbreakers. 

Spoiled by Diet Culture
Thankfully, my childhood Halloweens weren’t spoiled by diet culture. 

No one made me trade my candy for a toy, set rules on how many pieces I was allowed to eat each day, or tossed some of my stash while I was sleeping.

Unfortunately, as I got older, diet culture did eventually invade my Halloween and every other holiday. Worried about my weight, I welcomed all the tips and tricks regarding how to be “good” and “stay on plan.”

If you’re unsure what diet culture is, here are some examples I've encountered during the Halloween season:

• Don’t buy candy for trick-or-treaters until the day of Halloween to limit the amount of time it’s in your house. 
   

• To avoid temptation, buy candy you don’t like. Better yet, buy stickers to hand out instead.
   

• To prevent yourself from overindulging, avoid hanging out by the food table or candy bowl at celebrations. 
   

• When you take your kids trick-or-treating, get in some extra steps and burn off some candy calories by walking from house to house instead of driving.
   

• If you’re craving something sweet, reach for the fruit bowl instead of the candy bowl. 
   

• At parties, participate in activities that make holding a plate of food challenging or wear a mask that makes eating difficult.
   

• Get back on track the day after Halloween by cutting carbs and working out longer.
    

• To make up for all your Halloween “sins,” plan to start a 7-day detox the day after. 

Unnecessary Suffering
Although likely intended to be helpful, diet culture messages like these can trigger a lot of fear, guilt, shame, anxiety and stress.

They made me so afraid of blowing my diet and eating “badly,” that I often chose to play it safe by opting out altogether.

The amount of harm and unnecessary suffering diet culture causes is vast, from food fears, body mistrust and weight stigma to disordered eating and exercise.

More than anything, diet culture keeps you from focusing on more meaningful, fulfilling and fun things.

Needing to wear a winter coat over your Halloween costume is definitely a bummer. A bigger bummer, however, is having your holiday spoiled by diet culture. 

Do You Trust Your Body? The Diet Industry Doesn't Want You To.

Do you trust your body?

There are various reasons why you may not trust your body. Dieting could be one of them. It certainly was for me.

When you follow a diet (this includes any plan with food rules and restrictions, regardless of what it’s called or how it’s spun), you’re handing over the reins and letting someone else dictate what and how you eat.

This is exactly what the multi-billion diet industry wants.

The people behind all the diet programs rely on your reliance on them so they work really hard to convince you that you and your body can’t be trusted, that you need them because they know better than you what your body needs.

They teach you to prioritize their external rules over your inner cues.

They cause you to disconnect from your body and deny its needs and desires.

They destroy the trust you once had in your body before you learned it was a problem to be solved. 

The thing is—no one knows your body better than you do. 

No one knows better than you when you’re hungry, how much food you need, what kind of food you need, what foods satisfy you, and how different foods feel in your body.

Give Your Power and Freedom Away
The desire to diet is completely understandable given our weight-obsessed culture with its unrealistic body standards and tendency to equate thinness with health and moral virtue.

Given our confusing, constantly changing "eat this, don't eat that" food environment, it's also completely understandable to want someone else to just tell you what to eat. 

In a way, outsourcing your eating decisions might feel freeing, especially at first. Doing so may feel like a relief, especially if you frequently agonize over what to eat.

It's important to understand, however, that although well-intentioned, when you hand your food decisions over to an external source, you’re essentially giving away your power and freedom.

As a result, you may eventually find yourself rebelling against the diet and its unsustainable requirements that disregard your body's wants and needs. 

When this happens, it's typical to view it as self-sabotage, a lack of willpower and self-discipline, and further proof that you and your body can't be trusted when it comes to food.

Nothing could be further from the truth. 

By rebelling, you’re simply trying to regain a sense of autonomy and freedom—two of the many things dieting takes away from you.

You Are the Expert
You are the expert of your own body.

Intuitive Eating helps you tap into this expertise and reconnect with your body.

It helps you rebuild the body trust you came into this world with.

It teaches you how to listen to and honor your body wisdom and how to use this innate knowledge to discern what way of eating works best for you. 

Ultimately, it empowers you to take back your power and freedom—and to fully trust yourself and your body.