How I Stopped Dieting. I Couldn't Stand Myself.

When I was at the grocery store the other day, I noticed the shelf was empty for a particular product, which wasn’t surprising. Over the years, I’ve observed this seems to be the case every January as many people embark on a popular diet that restricts a long list of foods. This out-of-stock product is one of the few foods allowed.

Although this diet program states it’s about wellness and not weight loss, the numerous people I know who have done it did so with the primary goal of losing weight. This is quite understandable considering the program promotes weight loss as an outcome despite lacking any sound scientific evidence to support this claim.

Nonetheless, I totally get why people do it. While I never did this specific program, I certainly jumped on the dieting bandwagon in the new year. 

As we’re bombarded with diet culture messaging, including non-stop ads featuring seductive success stories and special promotions, it’s very tempting to hop on the bandwagon. Doing so is completely understandable given the pressure we feel from our weight-obsessed culture with its unrealistic body standards and tendency to equate thinness with health and moral virtue.

Lingering Desire to Diet
It may come as a surprise to learn that even after working for a while on healing my relationship with food and my body, I was still tempted every now and then to go on a diet. 

My desire to diet didn’t just surface in the new year when it seemed like everyone else was also resolving to change their body. It would often arise whenever I was struggling with my body, including the times when I didn’t like my reflection in the mirror, how my clothes fit, how I looked in a photo or how my belly felt when I bent over.

I would immediately go into fix-it mode and think about all the ways I could correct what I believed was a problematic body. Maybe I should stop drinking wine. Perhaps I should cut out sweets, go gluten-free again, use smaller plates or count my macros. Adding more miles to my runs and doing more sit-ups might also help.  

Thankfully, over time, my weight-loss strategy sessions became shorter and shorter in duration as I became more adept with hitting the breaks whenever I started experiencing body dissatisfaction and barreling down the fix-it path.

This Helped Me Stop
What helped me the most with stopping dieting was reminding myself why it wouldn’t be a good idea to start dieting again. 

While I had come to understand that diets don’t lead to long-term weight loss for the majority of dieters, more than anything, I never again wanted to be the person I was when I was obsessed with my weight.

During that period of my life, all my time, energy and headspace were consumed by thoughts about what I ate, how I exercised and the number on the scale.

I was so preoccupied that it was hard to be fully present and engaged with my life. I neglected my relationships, my job and my social life. I avoided any situation where I was afraid I’d blow my diet or get off track with my exercise routine.

I snuck food and binged on my forbidden foods when I allowed myself to have them. I freaked out when I gained a pound or felt I ate badly then compensated by eating less and exercising more.

Naturally, since I was constantly policing my own eating, I often food policed other people’s food choices (ugh, this really makes me cringe!). 

I treated my body like crap, ignoring its hunger, its cravings, its need for nourishment and rest.

I was tired, anxious, cranky, distracted and frankly, no fun to be around.

While well-intentioned, my dieting harmed my wellbeing and, regrettably, hurt those around me.

Reflecting on my life and the person I was when I was dieting gave me the determination and strength I needed to never diet again. 

Make Peace Instead
While I've been anti-diet for many years now due to everything I've learned both personally and professionally, I completely believe in body autonomy including the right to diet. 

However, I feel it’s important to know what the diet industry, including weight-loss companies and advocates, will never tell you, namely the numerous ways dieting can harm you, so you can make informed decisions.

They will certainly never warn you that for many people like myself, dieting is a gateway to disordered eating and exercise, and for some, to actual eating disorders.

Like me, you may find it helpful to reflect on your dieting history whenever you’re tempted to try another diet. I encourage you to take a moment to consider all the ways dieting has harmed you—and how your life may change if you made peace with food and your body instead.

Do You Trust Your Body? The Diet Industry Doesn't Want You To.

Do you trust your body?

There are various reasons why you may not trust your body. Dieting could be one of them. It certainly was for me.

When you follow a diet (this includes any plan with food rules and restrictions, regardless of what it’s called or how it’s spun), you’re handing over the reins and letting someone else dictate what and how you eat.

This is exactly what the multi-billion diet industry wants.

The people behind all the diet programs rely on your reliance on them so they work really hard to convince you that you and your body can’t be trusted, that you need them because they know better than you what your body needs.

They teach you to prioritize their external rules over your inner cues.

They cause you to disconnect from your body and deny its needs and desires.

They destroy the trust you once had in your body before you learned it was a problem to be solved. 

The thing is—no one knows your body better than you do. 

No one knows better than you when you’re hungry, how much food you need, what kind of food you need, what foods satisfy you, and how different foods feel in your body.

Give Your Power and Freedom Away
The desire to diet is completely understandable given our weight-obsessed culture with its unrealistic body standards and tendency to equate thinness with health and moral virtue.

Given our confusing, constantly changing "eat this, don't eat that" food environment, it's also completely understandable to want someone else to just tell you what to eat. 

In a way, outsourcing your eating decisions might feel freeing, especially at first. Doing so may feel like a relief, especially if you frequently agonize over what to eat.

It's important to understand, however, that although well-intentioned, when you hand your food decisions over to an external source, you’re essentially giving away your power and freedom.

As a result, you may eventually find yourself rebelling against the diet and its unsustainable requirements that disregard your body's wants and needs. 

When this happens, it's typical to view it as self-sabotage, a lack of willpower and self-discipline, and further proof that you and your body can't be trusted when it comes to food.

Nothing could be further from the truth. 

By rebelling, you’re simply trying to regain a sense of autonomy and freedom—two of the many things dieting takes away from you.

You Are the Expert
You are the expert of your own body.

Intuitive Eating helps you tap into this expertise and reconnect with your body.

It helps you rebuild the body trust you came into this world with.

It teaches you how to listen to and honor your body wisdom and how to use this innate knowledge to discern what way of eating works best for you. 

Ultimately, it empowers you to take back your power and freedom—and to fully trust yourself and your body.

We're Taught to Hate Our Bodies. Unlearning Body Shame.

How would you describe your relationship with your body?

When I'm working with a client, we explore the various factors that have negatively impacted their relationship with their body since they were young, like my obsession with this movie.

What comes up for you when you reflect on the forces that have shaped your relationship with your body? What harmful messages or narratives have you internalized?

Like my clients, I invite you to consider that you didn’t come into this world hating your body but rather were taught to have an adversarial relationship with it. 

A Crappy Inheritance
In her book The Body Is Not An Apology, Sonya Renee Taylor elaborates on our indoctrinated body shame:

“We did not start life in a negative partnership with our bodies. I have never seen a toddler lament the size of their thighs, the squishiness of their bellies. Children do not arrive here ashamed of their race, gender, age, or disabilities. 

Babies love their bodies! Each discovery they encounter is freaking awesome. Have you ever seen an infant realize they have feet? Talk about wonder! That is what an unobstructed relationship with our bodies looks like. 

You were an infant once, which means there was a time when you thought your body was freaking awesome too. 

Connecting to that memory may feel as distant as the furthest star. It may not be a memory you can access at all, but just knowing that there was a point in your history when you once loved your body can be a reminder that body shame is a fantastically crappy inheritance. We didn’t give it to ourselves, and we are not obligated to keep it.”

Transformation is Possible
What’s it like to consider that you once viewed your body with delight and wonder—and that it’s not your fault if you no longer do? 

We live in a world that teaches us to see our bodies as flawed. This makes it really tough to have a positive relationship with your body, however, you don’t have to settle for a crappy one. 

If you desire to have a better relationship with your body, perhaps one that feels peaceful, loving, tender, compassionate, respectful, celebratory, liberatory or just neutral, I encourage you to trust that it is possible.

So, where to start? Some first steps could include reading material like The Body Is Not An Apology, Reclaiming Body Trust, More Than A Body and Burnt Toast.

I also recommend joining safe like-minded communities, like the one Burnt Toast offers, and being more intentional with the messaging you consume, including moving away from body-shaming content on social media, TV, podcasts, etc.

If you’re like me and many of my clients, you’ll find that transforming your relationship with your body is an ongoing process, one that includes a lot of ups and downs and learning and unlearning. 

For most of us, it’s not a fast, easy or linear journey with a final destination. But it’s a very worthwhile one, especially when you consider the alternative as Taylor describes:

“Hating your body is like finding a person you despise and then choosing to spend the rest of your life with them while loathing every moment of the partnership.”

Everybody deserves to have the wonder-filled, shame-free relationship with their body that they came into the world with—including you. Don’t settle for anything less.