I Wanted to Stop Overeating. My Solution Was the Problem.
/Not long ago, I came across some journaling I had written years prior.
One of my journal entries included a list of things I wanted to change about myself. At the top of my list was: stop overeating.
At the time, I was frustrated by how often I ate until I was stuffed. This mostly happened at dinner. I’d be “good” all day and then blow it at night.
Repeatedly eating until I was uncomfortably full not only caused me physical discomfort but also a lot of emotional distress. Feeling the aching pain of my straining stomach as I washed dishes triggered feelings of anger, regret, guilt and shame.
My Solution Was the Problem
For the rest of the night, I’d beat myself up, endlessly ruminating on my lack of self-control.
Why couldn’t I get it together and stop overeating? What was wrong with me?!
As I got ready for bed, I’d promise myself I wouldn’t do it again and devise a plan to put an end to it, everything from using a smaller plate to forgoing seconds.
However, because my plans were driven by my diet mentality, including my restrictive approach to eating, they failed to change anything. I’d still end almost every dinner uncomfortably full and disappointed in myself.
What I didn’t understand at the time was that my attempts to eat less were driving my need to eat more. My solution was the problem!
Unmet Needs
There are always very valid reasons why we do what we do with food. More often than not, we’re trying to take care of unmet needs.
When I learned to be curious about what needs I was trying to fulfill when I continued to eat past comfortable fullness, things began to shift for me.
I came to understand that my tendency to override my fullness cues was primarily driven by my very human need for nourishment, satisfaction and pleasure.
1/ Need for Nourishment
Although I thought I was being “good” with my eating throughout the day, the reality was that I wasn’t eating enough out of fear of weight gain.
My nighttime overeating wasn’t due to a lack of willpower or self-discipline. It was my very wise body’s attempt to get its nourishment needs met, to make up for my daytime deprivation and protect itself from future food scarcity, something it had come to expect.
I was stuck in an exhausting cycle of starting every morning with the intent to be "good"—that is, eat very little—to compensate for the amount I ate the night before. Of course, this plan always backfired come dinnertime.
2/ Need for Satisfaction and Pleasure
Because I was so focused on eating low-calorie and “clean,” I pretty much ate the same “safe” foods every day. While I didn’t dislike what I was eating, my rigid diet lacked variety, novelty and deeply satisfying, pleasurable foods.
Satisfaction and pleasure are essential components of the eating experience and when these are missing, it’s natural to seek more food, even if you’re not hungry.
I wasn’t ignoring my fullness signals because I was out of control with my eating. I kept eating because, in addition to making up for my undereating throughout the day, my bored taste buds were desperately and unsuccessfully searching for the satisfaction and pleasure we humans are naturally wired to pursue.
As I started to fully nourish my body and enjoy a wider range of pleasurable, satisfying foods (including my once-forbidden foods), my chronic overeating eventually subsided. I no longer ate every dinner as if it was my Last Supper.
Still Stuffed Sometimes
This doesn’t mean I never eat until I’m stuffed. I absolutely do!
Normal eating includes sometimes eating past comfortable fullness. In fact, I just did it a few nights ago.
The difference is that now when I find myself uncomfortably full, I’m able to compassionately identify the needs I was trying to take care of rather than ruthlessly chastise myself.
The other night, I was really tired. It felt easier to keep eating my dinner than to muster up the energy required to get up from the table and clean the kitchen. By continuing to eat, I was preserving my energy and honoring my need for rest.
Sometimes, I keep eating because the meal is so delicious I don’t want the pleasure to end. This can be particularly true if, for whatever reason, I haven’t experienced much pleasure lately. In this case, I intentionally prioritize my need for pleasure and am okay with feeling some stomach discomfort.
Other times, I find myself eating when I'm no longer hungry to avoid wasting food. This usually happens when it seems like there’s not enough food remaining to warrant saving it for leftovers.
I grew up in a clean-your-plate household with depression-era parents so understandably food was rarely wasted. Occasionally, my need to honor this deeply instilled value outweighs my physical comfort.
Tending to Your Needs
From undereating, food restrictions and a pleasure deficiency to fatigue, stress, busyness and distraction, there are many different reasons why you, like me, may find yourself eating past the point of comfortable fullness.
When you gain a better understanding of the unmet needs driving your overeating, you can put your attention toward tending to these needs instead of focusing on controlling your food as diet culture teaches us to do.
Thankfully, unlike the days when I wrote that journal entry, these days when I do experience the uncomfortable sensation of being stuffed, I don’t dwell on it.
Instead, I briefly reflect on the needs I was trying to take care of, make myself as comfortable as possible (e.g., put on loose clothes, go on a gentle walk, take an antacid, etc.) and then just move on.
