How I Stopped Dieting. I Couldn't Stand Myself.

When I was at the grocery store the other day, I noticed the shelf was empty for a particular product, which wasn’t surprising. Over the years, I’ve observed this seems to be the case every January as many people embark on a popular diet that restricts a long list of foods. This out-of-stock product is one of the few foods allowed.

Although this diet program states it’s about wellness and not weight loss, the numerous people I know who have done it did so with the primary goal of losing weight. This is quite understandable considering the program promotes weight loss as an outcome despite lacking any sound scientific evidence to support this claim.

Nonetheless, I totally get why people do it. While I never did this specific program, I certainly jumped on the dieting bandwagon in the new year. 

As we’re bombarded with diet culture messaging, including non-stop ads featuring seductive success stories and special promotions, it’s very tempting to hop on the bandwagon. Doing so is completely understandable given the pressure we feel from our weight-obsessed culture with its unrealistic body standards and tendency to equate thinness with health and moral virtue.

Lingering Desire to Diet
It may come as a surprise to learn that even after working for a while on healing my relationship with food and my body, I was still tempted every now and then to go on a diet. 

My desire to diet didn’t just surface in the new year when it seemed like everyone else was also resolving to change their body. It would often arise whenever I was struggling with my body, including the times when I didn’t like my reflection in the mirror, how my clothes fit, how I looked in a photo or how my belly felt when I bent over.

I would immediately go into fix-it mode and think about all the ways I could correct what I believed was a problematic body. Maybe I should stop drinking wine. Perhaps I should cut out sweets, go gluten-free again, use smaller plates or count my macros. Adding more miles to my runs and doing more sit-ups might also help.  

Thankfully, over time, my weight-loss strategy sessions became shorter and shorter in duration as I became more adept with hitting the breaks whenever I started experiencing body dissatisfaction and barreling down the fix-it path.

This Helped Me Stop
What helped me the most with stopping dieting was reminding myself why it wouldn’t be a good idea to start dieting again. 

While I had come to understand that diets don’t lead to long-term weight loss for the majority of dieters, more than anything, I never again wanted to be the person I was when I was obsessed with my weight.

During that period of my life, all my time, energy and headspace were consumed by thoughts about what I ate, how I exercised and the number on the scale.

I was so preoccupied that it was hard to be fully present and engaged with my life. I neglected my relationships, my job and my social life. I avoided any situation where I was afraid I’d blow my diet or get off track with my exercise routine.

I snuck food and binged on my forbidden foods when I allowed myself to have them. I freaked out when I gained a pound or felt I ate badly then compensated by eating less and exercising more.

Naturally, since I was constantly policing my own eating, I often food policed other people’s food choices (ugh, this really makes me cringe!). 

I treated my body like crap, ignoring its hunger, its cravings, its need for nourishment and rest.

I was tired, anxious, cranky, distracted and frankly, no fun to be around.

While well-intentioned, my dieting harmed my wellbeing and, regrettably, hurt those around me.

Reflecting on my life and the person I was when I was dieting gave me the determination and strength I needed to never diet again. 

Make Peace Instead
While I've been anti-diet for many years now due to everything I've learned both personally and professionally, I completely believe in body autonomy including the right to diet. 

However, I feel it’s important to know what the diet industry, including weight-loss companies and advocates, will never tell you, namely the numerous ways dieting can harm you, so you can make informed decisions.

They will certainly never warn you that for many people like myself, dieting is a gateway to disordered eating and exercise, and for some, to actual eating disorders.

Like me, you may find it helpful to reflect on your dieting history whenever you’re tempted to try another diet. I encourage you to take a moment to consider all the ways dieting has harmed you—and how your life may change if you made peace with food and your body instead.

No Rules, Obsession or Guilt. The Gift of Food Peace.

I help folks make peace with food so naturally I talk about it a lot.

While you may have a sense of what I’m referring to, I thought it would be helpful to give some examples of what food peace looks like.

You know you’ve made peace with food when...

• You stop judging your day and yourself as good or bad based on what you ate.

• You no longer feel anxious, bad or guilty about your food choices and eating behaviors.

• You don’t feel preoccupied with food and obsess over every morsel you put in your mouth.

• You stop adhering to food rules and letting diet culture dictate your eating.

• You eat whatever sounds satisfying, tastes satisfying and feels satisfying in your body.

• You no longer think you have to make up for your eating by exercising more, eating less at your next meal, or going on a cleanse or diet.

• You trust yourself to keep previously off-limits foods in your house because you’re no longer afraid you’ll lose control with them.

• You no longer feel your eating requires self-control and willpower.

• You're excited to attend social events again because you’re no longer worried you’ll blow your diet.

• You order what you truly want at restaurants rather than basing your decision on what you think you should eat or what your companions are eating.

• You stop believing you have to earn the right to eat something by exercising, skipping meals or being “good” all day.

• You no longer eat in secret because you’re not ashamed anymore of your desires. 

• You have much more time, energy and headspace for more fulfilling, meaningful and fun things.

• You just eat and move on.

I could list more examples, but I think you get the idea. 

I encourage you to reflect on what food peace would look like for you. How would it change your life?

It's Worth It, You’re Worth It
Of course, making peace with food doesn’t require perfection nor does it happen overnight. 

For most of us, including myself, the road to food peace is long, winding and rocky.

However, no matter how bumpy, scary and challenging your journey may be, the freedom, ease and peace you’ll discover along the way are so very worth it. You're worth it.

A Winter Coat Didn't Spoil Halloween. Diet Culture Did.

When I was eight, I dressed up as a fairy princess for Halloween. I’ll never forget what a bummer it was to have to wear my winter coat over my sparkly costume because it was too cold to go trick-or-treating without one. 

I got over my disappointment pretty quickly once I realized my concealed costume didn’t prevent me from collecting candy from all the houses in my neighborhood.

When I got home, I immediately tore off my tiara (made from a Burger King crown) and dumped my bag of goodies on the family room floor. 

Like past Halloweens, I spread everything out on our brown shag carpet so I could assess my glorious haul. I then got busy creating different piles, categorizing the treats by type and preference.

Once my inventory was done, my three siblings and I traded for our favorites. I happily swapped peanut butter kisses and popcorn balls for candy bars, bubble gum and jawbreakers. 

Spoiled by Diet Culture
Thankfully, my childhood Halloweens weren’t spoiled by diet culture. 

No one made me trade my candy for a toy, set rules on how many pieces I was allowed to eat each day, or tossed some of my stash while I was sleeping.

Unfortunately, as I got older, diet culture did eventually invade my Halloween and every other holiday. Worried about my weight, I welcomed all the tips and tricks regarding how to be “good” and “stay on plan.”

If you’re unsure what diet culture is, here are some examples I've encountered during the Halloween season:

• Don’t buy candy for trick-or-treaters until the day of Halloween to limit the amount of time it’s in your house. 
   

• To avoid temptation, buy candy you don’t like. Better yet, buy stickers to hand out instead.
   

• To prevent yourself from overindulging, avoid hanging out by the food table or candy bowl at celebrations. 
   

• When you take your kids trick-or-treating, get in some extra steps and burn off some candy calories by walking from house to house instead of driving.
   

• If you’re craving something sweet, reach for the fruit bowl instead of the candy bowl. 
   

• At parties, participate in activities that make holding a plate of food challenging or wear a mask that makes eating difficult.
   

• Get back on track the day after Halloween by cutting carbs and working out longer.
    

• To make up for all your Halloween “sins,” plan to start a 7-day detox the day after. 

Unnecessary Suffering
Although likely intended to be helpful, diet culture messages like these can trigger a lot of fear, guilt, shame, anxiety and stress.

They made me so afraid of blowing my diet and eating “badly,” that I often chose to play it safe by opting out altogether.

The amount of harm and unnecessary suffering diet culture causes is vast, from food fears, body mistrust and weight stigma to disordered eating and exercise.

More than anything, diet culture keeps you from focusing on more meaningful, fulfilling and fun things.

Needing to wear a winter coat over your Halloween costume is definitely a bummer. A bigger bummer, however, is having your holiday spoiled by diet culture.