How I Quit Obsessing About Food—And Got My Life Back.

When I was in college, I went to an aerobics class that was held in the basement of some random office building near campus.

I was able to attend for free in exchange for arriving early to set the room up for class, which meant pushing all the desks, chairs and trashcans out of the way so there was plenty of space for leg kicks and grapevines.

Right next to the building was a tiny cookie shop that baked the most delicious, ginormous cookies. You could smell them baking from blocks away. I was very fond of the double chocolate chip ones.

While sweating away under the fluorescent lights in that low-ceiling makeshift aerobics studio, I fantasized about sinking my teeth into one of those chewy, gooey delights—a big no-no on my fat-free diet.

Distracted by my food fantasies, I was often sidestepping to the right when everyone else was moving to the left. 

A Major Distraction
I can recall many times when my obsession with food, especially my forbidden foods, prevented me from being fully engaged in my life and present for those around me.

I remember being distracted at a bridal shower by the chocolate layer cake I so badly wanted but wouldn’t let myself have because it would have blown my calorie count for the day.

I spent numerous work meetings preoccupied with the muffins and bagels on the conference table that were off-limits because they didn’t fit into my idea of a healthy diet.

At parties, I barely recalled conversations with friends because my mind was on the pizza box, cheese platter, chip bowl or brownie plate—all “illegal” foods.

Constant State of Deprivation
I thought about food ALL THE TIME. It consumed my life.

Back then, I didn’t understand that the reason I spent so much time, energy and headspace thinking about food was because I was living in a constant state of deprivation.

As a result of all my food rules and restrictions, I incessantly thought about what I could eat, should eat, shouldn’t eat and really wanted to eat.

Unconditional Permission to Eat
When I finally stopped trying to micromanage my diet and force my body to be a size it was never meant to be, my preoccupation with food eventually went away (along with many of the other harmful side effects of dieting).

By slowly learning how to eat intuitively, which included giving myself unconditional permission to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, food took a balanced place in my life.

When my deprivation ended, my obsession ended.

The intensity, anxiety, stress and shame I once experienced with food were replaced with a sense of ease, peace, expansiveness and freedom.

Of course, none of this happened overnight. It took time for me to break up with diet culture, ditch my food rules and trust my body again. Instead of putting all my time and energy into depriving myself, I put it into healing my disordered eating. 

As a result, I opened up so much more space in my life for far more important, meaningful and fun things than obsessing about food. 

I Inhaled the Snack Mix. My Eating Felt Out of Control.

A few days ago, I arrived home early in the evening feeling absolutely ravenous. 

Due to an unexpected delay that afternoon, I wasn't able to eat lunch and my body was screaming for food.

I spotted a container of snack mix my mom and I had recently made on the kitchen counter and thought I’d eat a few handfuls to tide me over until dinner was ready.

Well, one handful quickly turned into multiple handfuls. 

I could not stop eating it. 

In fact, I was shoveling it into my mouth.

My eating felt frenzied, primal, animalistic. 

It felt out of control in a way it hadn’t in a very long time.

Unable to focus on preparing dinner or anything else, like unpacking my bags or changing into my comfy clothes, I hovered over the container as if I was tethered to it and ate as if I would never have access to food again.

Out of Control
In my dieting days, episodes like this happened frequently and I’d chastise myself for being out of control with my eating. 

My diet mentality would have convinced me that I lacked willpower and discipline, that I couldn’t be trusted to have snack mix in the house, that I should just throw the rest away and never make it again.

My internal Food Police would have berated me, telling me how bad I was for eating so much snack mix and that I needed to make up for it by skipping dinner and working out longer the next morning.

Thankfully, this isn’t what happened.

In Survival Mode
I compassionately understood in that moment that I was inhaling the snack mix because my body was trying to get its nourishment needs met.

My ravenous hunger had put me in survival mode. 

In an attempt to keep me alive, my very wise brain was telling me I needed to eat as much as possible as fast as possible. 

Although it felt like it, I wasn’t acting out of control. I was experiencing a natural human response to extreme hunger.

Since I stopped intentionally restricting my food years ago, I rarely get to the point of ravenous hunger these days thus rarely find myself in situations like these. 

Usually, I plan ahead to ensure my body is fully nourished on a regular basis. But sometimes life gets in the way and I’m unable to eat when I need to.

Although it would’ve been more enjoyable to savor the snack mix at a leisurely pace, I’m grateful it was there to quickly satisfy my body’s needs. 

I'm also grateful I was able to just eat it and move on without feeling any guilt, shame, remorse or other unhelpful thoughts and feelings. To me, this is true food freedom.

I Eat When I'm Not Hungry. This Used to be a Bad Thing.

The other day, I ate my lunch much earlier than usual even though I wasn’t hungry. 

I had an appointment downtown during my regular lunchtime and knew if I didn’t eat beforehand, I wouldn’t be able to eat until much later. Experience has taught me this would turn me into one cranky lady with a headache and brain fog.

During my dieting days, I likely wouldn’t have eaten before my appointment. Thanks to diet culture, I believed it was wrong to eat when I wasn’t hungry.

Perhaps you have believed this, too.

You might also feel this way with Intuitive Eating as there is a misconception that eating intuitively means only eating when you’re hungry.

While it’s important to honor your hunger when it surfaces to the best of your ability, it’s also important to give yourself unconditional permission to eat when you’re not hungry.

Many Valid Reasons
There are many valid reasons why you may need or want to eat in the absence of hunger. Here are some scenarios you might relate to:

• Your partner or friend is fixing a snack and even though you aren’t hungry, you accept their invitation to share it because it’s a yummy activity you enjoy doing together, especially while watching a favorite show.

• You find nibbling on food throughout the day, regardless of your hunger level, helps you stay focused on your work, so you have a dedicated snack drawer in your desk.

• Years of dieting have disconnected you from your hunger cues. To ensure you’re nourishing your mind and body on a regular basis, you eat a meal or snack at least every 3-4 hours even if you don’t feel hungry.

• You’re not usually hungry during your scheduled breaktimes but you eat anyway as it’s the only chance you’ll get for a while.

• You have an afternoon of back-to-back meetings so you eat lunch early to ensure you will have the focus and energy needed to be present and productive.

• When you’re sad, eating your favorite comfort foods is one way you self-soothe. It’s not about taking care of your physical hunger but rather your very human need for emotional comfort.

• You are going to a show, and although you aren’t hungry for dinner yet, you eat anyway to avoid becoming ravenous and distracted by your growling stomach during the event.

• You’re not hungry before your workout but eat a snack as you know your body will benefit from the extra fuel.

• It’s rare for you to be hungry when it’s time to feed your kids dinner but you eat with them anyway as you love the ritual of sharing a meal together and talking about your day.

• A health condition or medication you’re taking makes it challenging to sense your hunger cues, so you eat according to a schedule to ensure you’re consistently giving your body what it needs.

• At the last minute, your friends decide to go to dinner. Although you don’t have much of an appetite yet, you decide to join them as you don’t want to miss out on a night of fun and bonding.

• You’re not hungry but know the snacks offered on your flight won’t be enough to satiate you later so you eat a meal before you board.

• You turn to food when you’re anxious as the act of eating, whether you’re hungry or not, helps you calm your nervous system and feel grounded.

• You’re walking down the street and are enticed by the delicious aroma wafting from a nearby food truck. You stop and buy something not because you’re hungry but because you want to experience the pure pleasure of their food.

Form of Self-Care
Whether your reason (quite frankly, you don’t even need one) is practical, logistical, emotional, values-based, pleasure-driven, etc., non-hunger eating is often a form of self-care.

It’s a way of taking care of yourself, a way of ensuring your needs are met.

If eating when you’re not hungry makes you feel bad or guilty, I encourage you to reflect on the beliefs behind these feelings. Where did they come from? Are they serving you? How would you feel if you let them go? 

It’s understandable if it feels scary to defy diet culture and trust yourself to make eating decisions that work best for you. With each small step you take back to yourself, you’re one step closer to a more empowering relationship with food, one that’s full of ease, peace and freedom.