My Exercise Police Ran Me Ragged. How I Finally Broke Free.

How would you describe your relationship with exercise?

Since I was a kid, I’ve loved moving my body in all sorts of ways, from riding my big wheel and playing hide-and-seek in my neighborhood to roller skating at the local rink and dancing around my family room while watching Fame. 

I participated on my school’s soccer, swim and volleyball teams and got my first pair of hand weights on my 15th birthday. 

I was also an aerobics fanatic for years (starting with Jane Fonda in the early 80s) before moving on to other activities like Tae Bo, spinning, hiking, pilates and yoga. 

Ran Me Ragged
During my most intense dieting years, I became obsessed with working out, especially with running. 

I pounded the pavement early every morning, meticulously tracked the miles I ran and the calories I burned, and trained nonstop for marathons. 

I ran in crappy weather, when I was hungry, ill and injured, and when I was supposed to be at work. I almost missed more than one flight because I just had to squeeze in a few more miles before I left for the airport.

While I loved running, my relationship with it at that time was extremely disordered and unhealthy. It wasn’t driven by my body’s needs but rather it was dictated by my Exercise Police, a very strict internal voice that was running me ragged.

Enforce Exercise Rules
Like your internal Food Police, the voice in your head that tries to enforce food moralism and the unreasonable food rules our diet and wellness cultures have created, your inner Exercise Police is the voice in your head that tries to enforce rules regarding what is and isn’t acceptable when it comes to movement.

My Exercise Police voice was bossy, relentless and terribly fatphobic. Perhaps you can relate to some of these things it would say to me…

• It’s not considered exercise unless you get your heart rate up or break a sweat. 

• You must work out for at least # minutes otherwise it doesn’t count.

• You can’t stop until you go a certain distance or time or burn a specific number of calories.

• If you skip a workout, you need to eat less to make up for it.

• No matter how your body is feeling, you have to do the workout you planned.

• It’s not worth it if it doesn’t burn very many calories.

• If you don’t work out today, you’ll have to work out twice as hard tomorrow.

• You don’t have the right body for that sport or type of exercise.

• If you eat “badly,” you have to work out to make up for it.

• If you want a “bad” food, you have to work out to earn it.

• If you don’t exercise, you’re bad, lazy, undisciplined and unhealthy.

• If you miss one workout, you’ll lose strength and stamina and gain weight.

• If it doesn’t result in weight loss, there’s no point in doing it.

Does any of this sound familiar? I bet you can think of some rules that aren't on this list. 

Squash Joy and Connection
Like me, when your Exercise Police voice is driving your decision-making, you may find yourself frequently ignoring the messages your body is sending you, like pain or fatigue, to adhere to your exercise rules. 

You may also find yourself feeling less motivated to move, dreading your workouts, pushing your body beyond its limits, experiencing frequent injuries, exercising when you’re sick and in perilous weather, or prioritizing exercise over friends and family.

With its very black-and-white, all-or-nothing approach to movement, your Exercise Police likely amplifies your stress rather than alleviates it, leaves you feeling depleted instead of invigorated, and makes you feel guilty and ashamed when you break a rule.

Basically, your Exercise Police sucks all the fun and joy out of movement and disconnects you from your innate body wisdom.

How to Break Free
The good news is that you can break free from your internal Exercise Police by recognizing its presence, challenging its commands, defying its rules, and giving yourself permission to experiment with other possibilities based on what feels right to you and your body.

Instead of adhering to external rules, plans or authorities when it comes to movement (and eating!), listen to your internal cues. This means checking in with your body and honoring what it truly needs and desires.

Perhaps it’s gentle stretching instead of a fast-paced yoga class, a relaxing walk versus a vigorous run, or a kitchen dance party rather than a boot camp workout. 

Or maybe it’s a rest day, a soak in the tub, or a nap!

Intuitive Movement
Asking yourself the following questions can help move you toward a more intuitive, flexible, balanced and enjoyable relationship with movement.

• What does my body truly need and desire right now?

• Why am I doing this? What’s my motivation and does it align with my values?   

• If this activity had zero capacity to decrease my weight, would I still do it?

• How is this movement making me feel?

• Does this feel kind and respectful to my body?

• Does this feel pleasurable or punitive?

• Is this alleviating or amplifying my stress?

• Is this energizing or exhausting me?

• What would a more flexible, balanced approach look like?

• Am I having fun right now? If not, what would be more fun?

Questions like these helped me transform my relationship with movement and continue to be a source of support whenever my Exercise Police voice tries to take control and enforce its rules. Yes, just like my Food Police voice, after all these years it still occasionally pops up.

Beware of Exercise Moralism
Despite what our diet, wellness and fitness cultures want us to believe, exercise isn’t a moral obligation. 

How you choose to move your body, including choosing to not exercise at all, isn’t a reflection of your moral character. It's also important to keep in mind that it's a privilege to even have a choice.

Just like with food, your exercise choices do not make you a good or bad, superior or inferior person.

What matters most is that you honor what works the best for you and feels the best for your body.

Sadly, it took me many years and multiple injuries before I was willing to admit that my relationship with exercise—and my body—needed to change. 

I’m grateful I finally did the hard work required to break free from my Exercise Police and all its harmful rules as doing so improved almost every aspect of my life. 

It also restored the sense of ease, freedom and fun I experienced with movement when I was a kid—but not the desire to somersault down a hill again!

When Lunch is a Bag of Chips. The Power of Zooming Out.

Well, it happened again!

The other day, I once again didn’t have time to eat lunch. When I did, I grabbed a bag of chips.

They were fast, easy and tasty. 

It wasn't a big deal. I just ate them and moved on.

When I was entrenched in diet and wellness cultures, my internal Food Police would have been screaming at me.

It would have been shouting things like, “What’s wrong with you? I can’t believe you ate such a bad lunch! You’re so unhealthy. You really need to get it together! And you better make up for it!”

My chip lunch would have been a BIG DEAL, one loaded with guilt, shame, punitive thoughts and compensatory behaviors.

Different Perspective
Thankfully, after years of challenging my inner Food Police voice and all the rules it tries to enforce, it’s much quieter these days and rarely pipes up. 

Plus, I’ve learned to take a different perspective.

Both diet and wellness culture condition us to hyper-focus on every single morsel we eat. 

They make us feel like one episode of eating will make or break our health, heal us or kill us, turn a “good” eating day into a “bad” one. 

They cause us to fear “messing up” and convince us we have to eat perfectly to be a healthy, in control, good person.

This rigid, black-and-white, perfectionistic approach is unrealistic and harmful. 

It causes a lot of unnecessary guilt, stress and anxiety and can drive a disordered relationship with food.

Zooming Out
One of the most helpful practices I’ve learned is to change my perspective by zooming out. 

Zooming out means widening your lens and viewing your eating patterns over time instead of hyper-focusing on one bite, snack, meal, day or week of eating. 

Unless you have a health condition that requires full adherence to a specific way of eating, what you eat over a longer period of time matters much more than what you eat for an afternoon snack or weeknight dinner, at a business lunch or birthday party, or on a weekend getaway, weeklong work trip or two-week vacation. 

Most and Sometimes
It’s also helpful to think in terms of “most of the time” and “sometimes.”

Take my chip lunch, for example:

Most of the time, I eat a balanced, substantial and satiating lunch. Sometimes, I just eat a bag of chips. 

(If you have kiddos in your life, this is an incredibly useful way to navigate their eating, too.)

Please note, I’m not demonizing chips! If most of the time your lunch consists of just chips and they satisfy your needs, this is totally okay. Intuitive Eating is all about doing what works best for you.

Flexible and Peaceful
I encourage you to cling less tightly to diet and wellness cultures’ narrow ideas about the right way to eat and to instead practice widening your lens.

Zooming out enables you to take a much more flexible, gentle, satisfying and sustainable approach to your eating. 

And, it makes for a much more peaceful and pleasurable relationship with food

You Don't Have to Earn Your Pie. Or Make Up for Eating It.

Along with all the delicious food, the Thanksgiving holiday often comes with an unsavory serving of diet culture.

For a pleasurable, peaceful eating experience, keep in mind these Thanksgiving don’ts:

1. You don’t have to earn it.
Despite what diet culture wants you to believe, you don’t have to do anything to earn your Thanksgiving meal. You don’t have to do an intense workout or not eat all day to deserve a spot at the table. 

2. You don’t have to make up for it.
Just like you don’t have to earn the right to eat, you don’t have to make up for your eating after the holiday by working out extra hard, skipping meals or starting a cleanse or diet.

3. You don’t have to justify.
Whether it’s having seconds or thirds, filling your plate with mostly mashed potatoes, or eating pie for breakfast, you don’t have to justify your choices to anyone. You have the right to eat whatever you want, whenever you want.

(For tips on handling the Food Police in your life, head on over to here.)

4. You don’t have to feel bad.
Diet culture wants you to feel bad, out of control, weak, guilty and ashamed for eating a lot. You don’t.

It’s normal to sometimes eat simply for pleasure and to sometimes eat until you're stuffed, especially when enjoying foods that are novel and only around for a brief period.

5. You don’t have to participate.
Just like people who avoid discussing religion, politics and money, you don’t have to participate in diet and weight talk.

One approach for navigating it, especially when dining with a wide range of people, is to nonchalantly change the subject.

For example, if your cousin starts raving about his latest diet or your mom comments on someone's weight, steer the conversation toward a different topic, such as “I’d love to know what shows everyone is into right now” or “What’s your favorite holiday memory?”

Of course, these five don’ts are helpful to practice not just on Thanksgiving, but every day of the year.