How Dieting Destroys Body Trust

Do you trust your body?

There are various reasons why you may not trust your body. Dieting could be one of them.

When you follow a diet (this includes any plan with food rules and restrictions, regardless of what it’s called), you’re letting someone else dictate what and how you eat.

The people behind all the diet programs rely on your reliance on them so they work really hard to convince you that you and your body can’t be trusted, that you need them because they know better than you what your body needs.

They teach you to prioritize their external rules over your inner cues.

They cause you to disconnect from your body and deny its needs and desires.

They destroy the trust you once had in your body, before you learned it was a problem to be solved. 

The thing is, no one knows your body better than you do.

No one knows better than you when you’re hungry, how much food you need, what kind of food you need, what foods satisfy you, and how different foods feel in your body.

Give Your Power and Freedom Away
The desire to diet is completely understandable given our weight-obsessed culture with its unrealistic body standards and tendency to equate thinness with health and moral virtue.

Given our confusing, constantly changing "eat this, don't eat that" food environment, it's also completely understandable to want someone else to just tell you what to eat.

It's important to understand, however, that although well-intentioned, when you hand your food decisions over to an external source, you give your power and freedom away.

As a result, you may eventually find yourself rebelling against the diet and its unsustainable requirements that disregard your body's wants and needs. 

When this happens, it's typical to view it as self-sabotage, a lack of willpower and self-discipline, and further proof that you and your body can't be trusted when it comes to food.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

By rebelling, you’re simply trying to regain a sense of autonomy and freedom—two of the many things dieting takes away from you.

You are the Expert
You are the expert of your own body.

Intuitive Eating helps you tap into this expertise and reconnect with your body.

It helps you rebuild the body trust you came into this world with.

It teaches you how to listen to and honor your body wisdom and how to use this innate knowledge to discern what way of eating works best for you.

Ultimately, it empowers you to take back your power and freedom—and to fully trust yourself and your body.

Why I Couldn't Stop Eating the Crappy Cake

Years ago, I was at a friend’s bridal shower. At the end of the party, the host was desperate for all the guests to take some of the leftover cake.

It was one of those super tall cakes—an impressive feat of multiple layers of dark chocolate cake sandwich between chocolate buttercream frosting and topped with giant shards of dark chocolate.

“Everyone, please, please take some cake,” the host begged. “I can’t be trusted to have all of this cake in my house. I'm afraid I’ll lose control and eat it all!”

I offered to take a few big slabs home to give to my boyfriend. Although, secretly, I was really looking forward to eating the cake myself.

You see, despite longing for the cake at the party, I didn’t eat any because I was being “good” and didn’t want to tarnish my “healthy eater” image.

Once I Started, I Couldn't Stop
I honestly don’t remember if my boyfriend ate any of the cake; if he did, it wasn’t much.

What I do remember, however, is standing alone at my kitchen counter in the dark later that night, my mouth salivating as I pulled the plastic wrap off the cake.

As I dug my fork into the cake, my body buzzed with excitement. Cake was a rarity in my "clean eating" days, so I was understandably very excited to eat it.

Sadly, it didn’t live up to my expectations. The frosting was overwhelmingly sweet and the cake was flavorless and dry.

Nonetheless, I continued to eat it all, my pace quickening as I did.

I thought, “What the hell, I might as well polish this off as I'm not going to let myself eat cake again for a very long time.”

After licking the last bit of frosting off my fork and the plastic wrap, I was angry with myself for eating so much cake, especially since it wasn’t very good. “What a waste of calories!” the Food Police voices yelled in my head.

I was mad that I didn’t have enough self-discipline to toss the cake after discovering it didn’t taste satisfying.

I couldn’t understand why I kept eating it and blamed it on my lack of self-control. I deeply regretted bringing the cake home.

Natural Response to Deprivation
Looking back now, I can so clearly understand why I kept eating that crappy cake.

When we let ourselves have what is typically forbidden and scarce, it’s only natural to eat a whole lot of it, to maybe even feel binge-y with it, even if it's not satisfying.

Understandably, my very wise brain believed, “I need to eat all of this cake now, no matter what, because I don’t know when I’m going to get cake again!”

Of course, this didn’t just happen this one time. It frequently happened with my other off-limits foods.

My all-or-nothing approach to eating made me feel out-of-control, guilty and ashamed. And, it provided false evidence that I couldn’t be trusted with food and needed to pull the reins in tighter.

Nothing could have been further from the truth. It was simply a very natural human response to deprivation and scarcity.

Crappy cake felt better than no cake at all.

How to Stop Feeling Guilty About Your Eating

Does your eating often make you feel guilty?

When you feel guilty about your eating, it’s likely a sign you have a “food rule” you’d benefit from challenging.

A food rule is a belief regarding what is or isn’t allowed when it comes to your eating. Here are some common ones:

• No eating after 7 p.m.

• I can only eat a set number of macros, calories or points a day.

• No snacking between meals.

• High-carb foods are off-limits (e.g., greens are good; bread and pasta are bad).

• Every meal must contain a certain number of protein grams.

• I’m allowed one cheat day a week.

• Foods made with white flour, added sugars, etc. are forbidden.

• If it’s not organic, I can’t eat it.

• Gluten is a no-no (even though I don’t have celiac disease or a gluten intolerance).

• I shouldn’t eat if I’m not hungry.

• Sugary drinks, processed foods and fast food are prohibited.

• Sweets can only be eaten on the weekend.

• No seconds.

Naturally, when you follow your rules, you likely feel proud, successful and good about yourself.

When you don’t adhere to your rules, you likely feel guilty, like a failure and bad about yourself. Breaking your rules may also trigger feelings of shame, stress, anxiety, fear, frustration, disappointment, anger and hopelessness.


Well-Intentioned, Often Problematic
Although often well-intentioned, there are many problems with food rules. For example, they…

• Disregard your body’s wisdom and needs, including its internal cues of hunger, fullness and satisfaction.

• Dictate your food choices regardless of how your body feels.

• Dismiss your food preferences and desires.

• Generate feelings of deprivation, which often results in obsessive food thoughts, intense cravings and frequent overeating.

• Provoke a make-up mentality (e.g., I must compensate for eating dessert by skipping breakfast or exercising longer tomorrow).

• Inject unwarranted morality into your relationship with food (e.g., I'm good if I eat this, bad if I eat that).

• Cultivate a mistrustful relationship with yourself, your body and food.

• Lead to secret eating, social anxiety and isolation (e.g., I’ll be too tempted to eat bad foods at the party; it’s safer to just stay home.).

• Prevent you from being flexible, relaxed and spontaneous in different eating environments and having fun with food.

• Decrease self-esteem and self-confidence.

• Consume headspace, time and energy that could be devoted to more fulfilling, meaningful, productive and pleasurable things.

Challenge Your Rules
If you want to stop experiencing all the unnecessary guilt and suffering your food rules cause, I encourage you to identify and challenge them, including examining how they impact you and your life.

With a curious, nonjudgmental mind, ask yourself:

Where did this rule come from? Is it helpful or harmful? Is it based on my own internal experience or an external source (e.g., diet or wellness culture)? Is it truly honoring, respecting and being kind to my body? Is it reasonable, sustainable, pleasurable and satisfying? Is it flexible enough for my life? Is it preventing me from having a peaceful relationship with food and living my life fully?


Follow the Clues
Some of your rules may be top of mind and others may be buried deeper, like lingering rules from past diets or your childhood home you aren’t aware you’re still adhering to.

If you’re unsure if you have food rules, pay attention to “should” or “shouldn’t” thoughts and feelings like guilt, shame, stress and anxiety that arise from your eating. These clues will point you toward your rules.

If you have trouble identifying or releasing your food rules, yet know you would benefit from doing so, consider getting support from an Intuitive Eating-informed practitioner.

Despite what our diet culture wants you to believe, you and your body can be trusted. You absolutely have the innate capacity to nourish yourself without following food rules or feeling any guilt.