I'm Like a Kid in a Candy Story. I Want It All!

When I go to the farmers market in the summer, I’m like a kid in a candy store. I want it all!

Yesterday, I went with the intention of buying a few handfuls of cherries before they are gone for the season. I left with not only a big bagful of those dark burgundy beauties but also with a bag brimming with fragrant white nectarines and deep purple plums. 

I can’t help myself. I absolutely love all the juicy, plump summer fruit.

Despite my intentions, I always buy much more than I planned—and I relish every single mouth-watering bite.

Pleasure and Scarcity
I experience tremendous pleasure when a sweet cherry tomato bursts inside my mouth, when juice runs down my forearm as I bite into a succulent yellow peach, and when a wedge of cool, crisp watermelon not only refreshes my entire being on a hot day but also reminds me of childhood block parties and lakeside picnics.

In addition to pleasure, I also experience scarcity.

As these luscious fruits are only in season for a few months of the year, I feel a sense of urgency to eat them all right away, before they disappear until next summer. 

Sure, I will buy a container of tomatoes or bag of frozen berries in the winter, however, their flavor doesn't light up my tastebuds the way in-season produce does.

I’ve written before about the role scarcity plays in our relationship with food, about how when something we need or desire is scarce or under the threat of scarcity, it’s a natural human response to want to get as much of it as possible as fast as possible before it’s gone. 

This is certainly the case for me when it comes to summer fruit. How does scarcity show up for you?

Unnecessary Deprivation
The scarcity you experience could be unintentional, such as only having access to a particular food for a limited time perhaps due to its location, supply shortages, budget constraints or seasonal availability.

It may also be intentional, such as purposefully restricting certain foods, like bread, cheese or sweets, often with the goal of weight loss.

Because summer’s bounty brings me so much joy, it’s always made me a little sad when folks share that they’ve cut out fruit because it’s not allowed on their diet. 

Of course, I absolutely understand if you need to limit your fruit intake due to a health condition. 

However, after years of restricting a long list of foods in an attempt to shrink my body, I don’t want you to experience the unnecessary deprivation and dissatisfaction I did, to miss out on one of life’s greatest and simplest pleasures if you truly don’t need to.

Nor do I want you to experience the backlash that can occur when you deprive yourself of food, such as obsessive food thoughts, intense cravings, overeating, binge-like eating and social isolation.

While I regret the many years I wasted dieting, I’m grateful my cherished fruits weren’t on the bad food lists back then. In fact, my diet mainly consisted of fruit and other carbs like bread, cereal and pasta—a big switch from today’s food rules.

Gusto and Glee
With summer upon us, I encourage you to consider if you’re needlessly depriving yourself of the seasonal delights that bring you abundant pleasure and if so, what are the consequences?

How would it feel to instead freely enjoy your favorite foods with gusto, to lick the peach juice, barbecue sauce, ice cream or corn-on-the-cob butter off your fingers with glee?

It's OK to Eat Ice Cream in Bed—And Hate Exercise

I find it so helpful to remember that, despite what diet and wellness cultures want you to believe, it’s completely okay to…

Eat when you’re sad, stressed, lonely or bored

Crave something sweet after a meal

Get seconds

Dislike cooking

Eat while watching TV

Enjoy bread

Use food to help you focus

Eat cheese and crackers for dinner

Hate exercising

Clean your plate

Eat chips straight from the bag

Snack late at night

Buy processed foods

Eat freely on days you don’t work out

Go for dessert first

Turn to food for comfort

Eat ice cream in bed

Unnecessary Suffering
Like most of us, diet and wellness cultures have likely made you believe you’re being bad, naughty or unhealthy if you don’t adhere to their constantly changing and often contradictory food and exercise rules.

As a result, you may experience a lot of anxiety, guilt or shame when you don’t do the “right” thing. I certainly used to! 

My food and exercise “sins” would often keep me awake at night as I fretted over how I messed up and how I would make up for it the next day. 

A big part of Intuitive Eating is about identifying and challenging all the unhelpful rules and beliefs that cause you so much unnecessary suffering and prevent you from having a flexible, comfortable, satisfying and peaceful relationship with food and movement. 

I encourage you to pause and reflect on what some of your rules are. Most of us have a pretty long list!

It’s such a relief when you fully believe you’re not doing anything wrong, a bad person or morally inferior if you snack when you’re stressed, skip your workout or eat ice cream in bed. 

If You Don't Want an Apple, Are You Truly Hungry?

Have you ever heard of the “Apple Test?”

The basic idea is that if you’re truly physically hungry, you’ll happily eat an apple (or other produce—you know, something “healthy”). 

If you don’t want an apple, you’re probably not actually hungry. 

While I believe its intent is to help you decipher physical hunger from emotional hunger, the messaging behind this diet culture nonsense basically says that:

1/ you can’t trust your hunger or your desires, and

2/ if you want to eat something other than an apple, banana or carrot sticks, you’re engaging in bad behavior and ultimately a bad person.

Mistrust, Question and Judge
Diet culture messes up your relationship with food in many ways, including teaching you to mistrust, question and judge your hunger.

It sounds something like this…

• I just ate breakfast an hour ago but I’m hungry again. I shouldn’t eat so soon after a meal.

• I’m famished! I could have my lunch now but it’s not the right time to eat.

• I feel hungry but I’m probably just thirsty. I’ll have a glass of water.

• I can’t believe I’m hungry already! My appetite is out of control.

• My stomach is growling but I have to wait # hours between meals.

• I’m feeling a bit hungry, but it’s bad to snack. 

• I’m hungry but I shouldn’t eat so close to dinner. 

• What’s wrong with me? Why am I always so hungry?

• I feel hungry but I’m likely just bored.

• If I’m not hungry enough to eat an apple, I’m not truly hungry.

If any of these scenarios sound familiar, you’re not alone.

When my clients and I explore their relationship with hunger, they are often surprised to discover how much diet culture influences how they respond to their body’s hunger signals.

We Know Better Than You
Diet culture tells you that you and your body can’t be trusted, that it knows better than you do when you’re hungry, when it’s okay to eat, what’s okay to eat, and how much is okay to eat.

It makes you believe that you should only eat when you’re really hungry and if you are, you should only eat certain foods. Eating at any other time, for any other reason, is bad, excessive, and a lack of discipline and willpower.

Diet culture says that to be a “good eater,” you must adhere to its external rules instead of listening to your internal cues. 

Eating Isn’t Easy
As you may know very well, when diet culture is in charge, eating feels complicated, stressful and guilt-ridden.

You may find yourself debating every eating decision, white knuckling it until it’s the “right” time to eat, or feeling guilty when you eat at the “wrong” time or for the "wrong" reasons.

You may frequently delay eating until you’re ravenous and then, understandably, need as much food as possible as fast as possible, which usually isn’t a very satisfying experience.

Your Hunger is Valid
A big part of Intuitive Eating is rebuilding trust in yourself and your innate body wisdom. 

This includes, to the best of your ability, learning how to become more attuned to your body’s various hunger signals and honoring its nourishment needs in a timely manner—without any judgment, hesitation or second-guessing. 

Of course, in addition to diet culture, there are other factors that can interfere with your ability to hear and honor your hunger cues, such as stress, sleep deprivation, certain health conditions, medications, neurodivergence, schedule constraints, food insecurity and more.

But let’s start with the pervasive role diet culture plays and with getting clear on one very important thing: your hunger and desires are real and valid even if you don’t want to eat an apple.