Why I Couldn't Stop Eating the Crappy Cake

Years ago, I was at a friend’s bridal shower. At the end of the party, the host was desperate for all the guests to take some of the leftover cake.

It was one of those super tall cakes—an impressive feat of multiple layers of dark chocolate cake sandwich between chocolate buttercream frosting and topped with giant shards of dark chocolate.

“Everyone, please, please take some cake,” the host begged. “I can’t be trusted to have all of this cake in my house. I'm afraid I’ll lose control and eat it all!”

I offered to take a few big slabs home to give to my boyfriend. Although, secretly, I was really looking forward to eating the cake myself.

You see, despite longing for the cake at the party, I didn’t eat any because I was being “good” and didn’t want to tarnish my “healthy eater” image.

Once I Started, I Couldn't Stop
I honestly don’t remember if my boyfriend ate any of the cake; if he did, it wasn’t much.

What I do remember, however, is standing alone at my kitchen counter in the dark later that night, my mouth salivating as I pulled the plastic wrap off the cake.

As I dug my fork into the cake, my body buzzed with excitement. Cake was a rarity in my "clean eating" days, so I was understandably very excited to eat it.

Sadly, it didn’t live up to my expectations. The frosting was overwhelmingly sweet and the cake was flavorless and dry.

Nonetheless, I continued to eat it all, my pace quickening as I did.

I thought, “What the hell, I might as well polish this off as I'm not going to let myself eat cake again for a very long time.”

After licking the last bit of frosting off my fork and the plastic wrap, I was angry with myself for eating so much cake, especially since it wasn’t very good. “What a waste of calories!” the Food Police voices yelled in my head.

I was mad that I didn’t have enough self-discipline to toss the cake after discovering it didn’t taste satisfying.

I couldn’t understand why I kept eating it and blamed it on my lack of self-control. I deeply regretted bringing the cake home.

Natural Response to Deprivation
Looking back now, I can so clearly understand why I kept eating that crappy cake.

When we let ourselves have what is typically forbidden and scarce, it’s only natural to eat a whole lot of it, to maybe even feel binge-y with it, even if it's not satisfying.

Understandably, my very wise brain believed, “I need to eat all of this cake now, no matter what, because I don’t know when I’m going to get cake again!”

Of course, this didn’t just happen this one time. It frequently happened with my other off-limits foods.

My all-or-nothing approach to eating made me feel out-of-control, guilty and ashamed. And, it provided false evidence that I couldn’t be trusted with food and needed to pull the reins in tighter.

Nothing could have been further from the truth. It was simply a very natural human response to deprivation and scarcity.

Crappy cake felt better than no cake at all.

I Finished Off the Cake to Save Myself from Eating Badly Tomorrow

I stared at the remaining chocolate cake on the plate.

Although I was full and no longer getting much pleasure from it, I finished it off.

My rationale for doing so was basically:

Let me just get this over with so I can go back to being good tomorrow.

Have you ever had an experience like this, dear reader?

I used to do it all the time with all kinds of foods I considered “bad,” from cake, cookies and chips to pizza, pastries and ice cream.

In my mind, if I got rid of the “bad” food by eating it (throwing it away felt wasteful), then I’d have a better chance of getting back on track the next day.

Calmed My Anxiety
Driven by a deeply entrenched diet mentality, every night I would judge my day of eating as either good or bad.

Knowing a “bad” food wouldn’t be in my house to tempt me tomorrow helped calm my anxiety about having another bad day of eating, especially if I felt I had been on a streak of bad eating days.

It felt reassuring to know I would be able to go to bed tomorrow and feel good about my eating and, ultimately, myself.

Finishing off food for this reason was never an enjoyable eating experience.

Rather, it was my way of saving my future self from negative feelings about myself.

Although I couldn’t see it then, this “looking out for myself” was actually a form of self-protection. I was simply trying to take care of myself.

Eat and Move On
My need to polish off a food so I could start fresh the next day diminished when I challenged my diet mentality and stopped labeling food and my eating as good or bad.

By making all foods morally and emotionally equivalent, I no longer feel compelled to eat something just to get rid of it so I can feel more in control and better about myself the next day.

It’s now easy to wrap up whatever’s remaining to enjoy later because I stopped putting conditions on my eating and don’t feel guilty about eating anything at any time.

This doesn’t mean I never finish something off and reach a point of uncomfortable fullness. I absolutely do!

Sometimes, I’ll make a conscious decision to eat all of the cake or the pizza or the ice cream even though I’m full simply because I’m really enjoying it—not because I’m scared of it.

My intentions have changed and my eating is no longer a big deal. Now, I just eat and move on.

If my “eat it all now to get rid of it” story sounds all too familiar, please know it is possible for you to have a more relaxed, neutral and peaceful relationship with food, too.

I don't have any magical powers. If I can do it, so can you.

Once I Open the Bag, I Can't Stop!

Ever since she was a kid, Kendra loved barbecue potato chips. They reminded her of summer pool parties, lakeside picnics and backyard cookouts.

When she began dieting in her 20s, she rarely let herself eat them. Her beloved salty snacks had been put on her “bad” foods list.

However, making the chips a forbidden food backfired. Depriving herself of them only intensified her cravings.

Soon they became one of Kendra's trigger foods. Once she started crunching away on them, she couldn’t stop.

When she would break down and finally eat the chips, her eating felt out of control. She ate with a sense of urgency, barely even tasting them.

Halfway through the bag, she’d tell herself, “I’ve come this far, I might as well keep going since I’m never letting myself have these again!”

As she licked the barbecue seasoning off her fingers, Kendra would be overcome with tremendous guilt and shame.

These feelings, coupled with the overeating, provided her with false evidence that she simply couldn’t be trusted with the chips. She vowed to never let them cross her lips again.

But she couldn’t stop thinking about them!

The Habituation Effect
Feeling obsessed with your forbidden foods is a natural outcome of dieting and deprivation. Telling yourself you can’t have something often makes you want it even more.

When you make foods off limits, whether it’s chocolate, ice cream, bread, chips or fries, it elevates their desirability, reward value and power.

In order to make peace with the chips and stop her restrict-binge-repent-repeat cycle, Kendra needed to experience the habituation effect.

Habituation means the more you eat a particular food, the less enticing it becomes.

As its novelty and allure wears off, the food becomes neutral. It’s no longer a big deal. You desire it less. (You’ve probably experienced this with leftovers.)

Forbidden-food rules, food restriction and dieting prevent habituation. Lack of habituation, combined with the fear you'll never be able to eat a certain food again, commonly results in intense cravings, overeating and binge eating.

Unconditional Permission to Eat
In the past, Kendra would only allow herself to eat barbecue chips about once a month since she always ended up losing control and overdoing it.

In order to habituate to the chips, she started to eat them every day, sometimes a few times a day.

At first, Kendra was scared to have the chips around all the time. As she feared, she did continue to overeat them for a while. However, although she didn’t trust herself yet, she did trust the process and stuck with it.

By giving herself unconditional permission to enjoy the chips whenever she wanted and however much she wanted, Kendra was able to neutralize her relationship with them.

Eventually, her desire for the chips diminished. Sometimes she completely forgot they were in her cupboard! When she did want them, she was able to eat an amount that felt just right, completely guilt-free.

Encouraged by the outcome, Kendra slowly started eating her other forbidden foods, gradually rebuilding her self-trust while enjoying a more peaceful, flexible and relaxed relationship with food.