What I Do When I'm Not Digging the Skin I'm In

Even though I’ve been on my body acceptance journey for many years now, I still have days when I’m not digging the skin I’m in.

In the past, a challenging body day would easily turn into weeks, if not months. Like a dark cloud, it would loom over me contaminating my every action and interaction.

I’d hide from the world. Push away my partner. And go into fix-it mode—that is, create a plan for changing my body.

Inevitably, my plans always backfired. They weren’t sustainable or pleasurable. They led to rollercoaster weight fluctuations and a disordered relationship with food and exercise. And they only made me loathe my body more.

My Most Powerful Tool
These days, I have an extensive tool kit for navigating a challenging body day with greater ease, from doubling down on weight-neutral self-care to observing my thoughts without getting hooked by them.

One of my most powerful tools is remembering that I came into this world loving my body and that I was taught—without my consent—to see it as flawed (and fixable!) by our pervasive diet culture.

As writer and activist Lindy West says:

“Fight to remember that you are living inside of a cruel, toxic system, and when you hate yourself for gaining five pounds it’s because a billion-dollar industry conditioned you to feel that way for profit.”

Reclaiming My Power
When negative feelings toward my body creep in, I remind myself that I can reclaim my power by understanding that my body is neutral and the only reason I feel bad about it is because I have been programmed to do so from a very young age.

I no longer blame myself for failing to shrink myself. Instead, I blame the systems of oppression that want me to believe my body is a problem to solve.

I now give the middle finger to our insidious diet culture that relentlessly tries to convince me that if I just played my cards right, I’d finally have a flat stomach, cellulite-free thighs and a small, perky butt—and thus finally be worthy, acceptable, happy and healthy.

I no longer stand for this oppressive BS.

I see clearly now that it’s our weight-stigmatizing culture that needs to change, not my body—or yours.

*I highly recommend checking out Lindy West's show, Shrill, the Hulu comedy adapted from her memoir. It's about a struggling young journalist, played by the fabulous Aidy Bryant, who is determined to change her life without changing her body.

What I'm Tuning Into...

From time to time, I like to share what I’m tuning into when it comes to diet culture, body diversity, Intuitive Eating, Health at Every Size and more.

It’s my hope that the following content, which comes from a diverse range of voices, will help support you on your journey toward a more peaceful relationship with food and your body.


>>WATCH

Your Body Has Survived a Pandemic. Don’t Punish It With Diet Fads. [New York Times]
“[The diet industry is] simply preying on our insecurities at a particularly vulnerable time as we re-emerge into society and propagating the age-old myth that weight is the best measure of someone’s health. If there was ever a time that we should be kind to ourselves and to others—especially about our bodies—that would be now.”

All Bodies on Bikes [YouTube]
The stars of this inspiring video are on a mission to change the idea that people in larger bodies can’t ride bikes. To learn more about this empowering duo, head on over to here. [Canadian Cycling Magazine]


>>READ AND LISTEN

The Majority of Women in America Have Disordered Eating [Good Housekeeping]
From counting macros and compensating for your eating to limiting the number of hours you allow yourself to eat, here are some signs that you may have a disordered relationship with food.

Although I’m not a fan of Good Housekeeping’s long history of publishing weight-stigmatizing content, I do appreciate the magazine’s new “Anti-Diet Series” and encourage you to check it out.

A Letter to Anyone Feeling the Pressure to Lose the ‘Quarantine 15’ [Self]
“The changes in your body are not a marker of your failure, but of your survival. Whatever your body looks like now, it is a body that has carried you through a time of tremendous tragedy, now to a point where we might finally be able to see glimmers of hope from the other side. And that matters so much more than weight gain ever could.”

I’m a big fan of all of Aubrey Gordon’s (aka Your Fat Friend) work and highly recommend her book, articles and podcast.

We are All Fragile Creatures: The Manufactured Moral Panic of a Free Krispy Kreme Doughnut [Roxane Gay, The Audacity]
"The real health crisis this country is facing is not fatness or free doughnuts or pandemic weight gain or any such nonsense. The real crisis is that we live in a country where tens of millions of people politicized wearing face masks, and made surviving a modern plague a matter of the survival of the fittest and sheer luck.”

Husky Boy [Vox Populi]
It’s not very often that men openly talk about their experience of living in a fat body. In this touching post, Andrew Reginald Hairston shares his journey towards body acceptance.

How Writing a Comfort Food Cookbook Helped Me Break Free from Diet Culture [Bon Appetit]
Julia Turshen shares how she had limited her range of emotions to just two options. “It hit me one day like a splash of cold water in the face. I had only ever felt two things in my life: happy or fat. Little did I know that ‘fat’ wasn’t even a feeling.”

I also love Turshen’s podcast, especially the episodes with Intuitive Eating Co-Creator Evelyn Tribole (#53), Chef Vivian Howard (#46), and Author Aubrey Gordon (#50).


I hope you find these recommendations to be helpful, insightful and inspiring. May you always remember that your body is a celebration of your survival.

Struggling with Body Positivity? Try This Instead...

From social media and celebrities to ad campaigns and wellness programs, body positivity messaging is popping up everywhere these days.

Of course, I’m all for feeling positive about your body. Absolutely!

However, I know it can be really freaking hard, especially if you’ve been at war with your body for years.

If you, like many, struggle with body shame, the idea of making the leap from body loathing to body loving can feel really daunting, if not impossible.

This is completely understandable given our culture’s obsession with unrealistic beauty standards and terribly misguided, damaging tendency to judge and value bodies based on their appearance.

While I do believe you can greatly improve your relationship with your body, I know it can be tough to dig the skin you’re in every single day, even when you've worked hard toward feeling more body positive.

Do This Instead
Rather than striving to reach a state of perpetual body positivity, which can feel forced and like just one more thing to struggle with and fail at, I encourage you to instead focus on body kindness, body respect and body appreciation.

Why? Because no matter how you feel about your body, you can always be kind to it, respect it and appreciate it.

For many of us, practicing body kindness, body respect and body appreciation feels so much more accessible and doable than feeling unconditional adoration for our bodies. All three things can be done at any given moment, in both big and small ways.

What It Might Look Like
What body kindness, respect and appreciation look like is up to you. To help get you started, here are a few practices to consider:

• Speak respectfully about your body to yourself and others

• Dress your here-and-now body in well-fitting, comfortable clothes that make you feel fabulous

• Honor your body’s hunger, cravings, desires and needs

• Nourish your body with foods that are pleasurable and satisfying

• Move your body in a joyful, energizing way

• Acknowledge all the miraculous things your body does for you

• Rest your body with plenty of sleep and relaxation

• Soothe your body with caring, tender touch

• End the comparison game—your body vs. other bodies or your former body

• Revitalize every cell in your body with regular doses of nature

As I’ve seen with myself and with my clients, by focusing on body kindness, respect and appreciation, in time, you will naturally start feeling more positive feelings toward your body.