I'm Like a Kid in a Candy Story. I Want It All!

When I go to the farmers market in the summer, I’m like a kid in a candy store. I want it all!

Yesterday, I went with the intention of buying a few handfuls of cherries before they are gone for the season. I left with not only a big bagful of those dark burgundy beauties but also with a bag brimming with fragrant white nectarines and deep purple plums. 

I can’t help myself. I absolutely love all the juicy, plump summer fruit.

Despite my intentions, I always buy much more than I planned—and I relish every single mouth-watering bite.

Pleasure and Scarcity
I experience tremendous pleasure when a sweet cherry tomato bursts inside my mouth, when juice runs down my forearm as I bite into a succulent yellow peach, and when a wedge of cool, crisp watermelon not only refreshes my entire being on a hot day but also reminds me of childhood block parties and lakeside picnics.

In addition to pleasure, I also experience scarcity.

As these luscious fruits are only in season for a few months of the year, I feel a sense of urgency to eat them all right away, before they disappear until next summer. 

Sure, I will buy a container of tomatoes or bag of frozen berries in the winter, however, their flavor doesn't light up my tastebuds the way in-season produce does.

I’ve written before about the role scarcity plays in our relationship with food, about how when something we need or desire is scarce or under the threat of scarcity, it’s a natural human response to want to get as much of it as possible as fast as possible before it’s gone. 

This is certainly the case for me when it comes to summer fruit. How does scarcity show up for you?

Unnecessary Deprivation
The scarcity you experience could be unintentional, such as only having access to a particular food for a limited time perhaps due to its location, supply shortages, budget constraints or seasonal availability.

It may also be intentional, such as purposefully restricting certain foods, like bread, cheese or sweets, often with the goal of weight loss.

Because summer’s bounty brings me so much joy, it’s always made me a little sad when folks share that they’ve cut out fruit because it’s not allowed on their diet. 

Of course, I absolutely understand if you need to limit your fruit intake due to a health condition. 

However, after years of restricting a long list of foods in an attempt to shrink my body, I don’t want you to experience the unnecessary deprivation and dissatisfaction I did, to miss out on one of life’s greatest and simplest pleasures if you truly don’t need to.

Nor do I want you to experience the backlash that can occur when you deprive yourself of food, such as obsessive food thoughts, intense cravings, overeating, binge-like eating and social isolation.

While I regret the many years I wasted dieting, I’m grateful my cherished fruits weren’t on the bad food lists back then. In fact, my diet mainly consisted of fruit and other carbs like bread, cereal and pasta—a big switch from today’s food rules.

Gusto and Glee
With summer upon us, I encourage you to consider if you’re needlessly depriving yourself of the seasonal delights that bring you abundant pleasure and if so, what are the consequences?

How would it feel to instead freely enjoy your favorite foods with gusto, to lick the peach juice, barbecue sauce, ice cream or corn-on-the-cob butter off your fingers with glee?

I Treated My Body Like Crap. My Values Were All Screwed Up.

What are your core values?

Your core values guide your beliefs and behaviors. They define what matters the most to you, what sort of person you want to be, and how you want to live your life.

If you’re unsure what your core values are, there are numerous resources online to help you figure them out.

Some of my core values are kindness, respect, integrity, trust and freedom.

Conditioned to Value Thinness
There was a long period in my life when my relationship with my body was not informed by my personal core values but rather by what our culture values, especially the thin ideal.

Like so many of us, I had been conditioned to value my appearance, especially my weight, above almost everything else and never stopped to question if this was what I truly valued.

When I was trying to shrink my body, my beliefs and behaviors were not grounded in kindness, respect, trust, integrity or freedom. 

I wasn’t treating my body with kindness or respect when I spoke harshly about it, when I underate and overexercised, when I denied it what it needed and wanted.

I wasn't acting with kindness or respect when I beat myself up for eating something "bad" and then punished my body by restricting and exercising more to make up for it.

Instead of trusting myself and my body, I put my trust in a toxic system that profits greatly off of body shame and lies about the results it claims to deliver.

Oppressing Myself and Others
I wasn’t prioritizing freedom when I gave my autonomy away to our oppressive diet culture and appearance ideals.

Although my desire was, understandably, to be accepted, by submitting to diet culture’s rules and trying to take up less space, I was contributing to my own oppression.

Regrettably, I was also contributing to the oppression of others as my fatphobic beliefs and behaviors were helping to uphold our weight-stigmatizing culture that discriminates against bodies that don't conform to a very narrow ideal instead of accepting, respecting and celebrating our natural diversity.

As I became imprisoned in a harmful system that operates with zero integrity, I felt my own integrity slipping away. Filled with shame, I began withdrawing, lying, sneaking and hiding.

Obsessed with my weight and what I ate, I lost connection with my true self and what truly mattered to me. I became someone else—someone I and those around me no longer recognized and frankly, didn’t really like. 

Realigning with My Values
A big part of my healing journey was realigning my relationship with my body with my values.

Focusing on my values helped me walk away from diet culture, reclaim my power and free myself from the body shame prison so many of us find ourselves in.

When I struggled with my body, I practiced responding according to my values.

Instead of trying to “fix” and manipulate my body, I stopped seeing it as a problem to solve and started trusting its wisdom and treating it with kindness and respect. 

Rather than fight or ignore it, I began honoring its needs and desires whether it was for food, rest, gentle movement or something else. 

Aligning with my values also helped me uproot my anti-fat bias, ultimately enabling me to change not only how I viewed my body, but all bodies.

I didn't do any of this without some fumbles and stumbles. I am human after all!

Nor have I reached a final destination; I don't think there is one. Values-based living is an ongoing, evolving practice, one I'm deeply committed to.

Compassion is Essential
One of my core values is also compassion, which is essential for the healing process. 

If your relationship with your body is out of sync with your core values, I encourage you to treat yourself with compassion.

From a very young age, most of us were programmed to put bodies on a hierarchy—​​​​​​​and to value bodies over beings.

It's never too late, however, to challenge these oppressive, dehumanizing social constructs and return to what truly matters the most to you. 

It's Okay to Eat This. I've Had a Bad Day!

Does the following sound familiar?

“Screw it! I’m going to eat whatever I want. I’ve had a bad day!”

If you can relate to this, it’s completely understandable. It’s how diet culture has conditioned us to think.

Special Circumstances Only
Diet culture tells us we’re only allowed to eat certain foods under special circumstances.

It makes us believe it’s okay to eat cake at a birthday party but not on a regular ol’ Tuesday.

It drives us to think we can eat whatever we want on vacation as long as we get back on track once we’re home.

It tells us we can eat "bad" foods on the weekend, yet they are off-limits on weekdays.

It grants us permission to order dessert when celebrating a special occasion but not on an ordinary night out.

It gives us a free pass to eat forbidden foods on holidays but no other time of the year.

It causes us to believe we only deserve to eat what we want when we’re suffering, like after a bad day. 

And, it's all a bunch of B.S. The truth is:

You have the right to eat whatever you desire today—and every day of the year.

You don’t need a special reason, other than it’s what you want.

Diet Mentality vs. Non-Diet Mentality
If you feel the need to justify your food choices, you’re likely operating from a deeply ingrained diet mentality—one that includes a lot of rules and beliefs regarding what’s okay and not okay when it comes to eating.

Your experience is much different than if you’re operating from a non-diet mentality—that is, if you’re eating intuitively.

If you’re an Intuitive Eater, you truly know you have unconditional permission to eat whatever you want, whenever you want (of course, depending on what food is accessible to you).

You don’t feel the need to give yourself special permission to eat certain foods during certain times because you know you can eat them anytime they’re available.

If you want to move toward greater peace, ease and freedom with food, you can start by replacing any justifications, excuses or conditions for your eating with “It’s okay to eat this because it’s what I want.