Why You Obsess About Food

Do you spend a lot of time, energy and headspace thinking about food?

Is it hard to focus on work, concentrate on a book or show, or stay present while socializing or parenting because you’re distracted by thoughts about what you’re allowed to eat, when you’re allowed to eat, what you shouldn’t have eaten, or what you really want to eat but won’t let yourself have?

If this describes your experience, it’s most likely because:

1/ You are not eating enough

and/or

2/ You are not eating what you really want

If you are restricting your food intake because you are following a plan, program or rules that dictate your eating, it’s only natural that you will feel both physically and psychologically deprived and thus be preoccupied with food.*

Not About Willpower, Discipline or Addiction
Constant thoughts about food are not due to a lack of willpower, poor self-discipline or food addiction, despite what our diet culture wants you to believe.

When your very wise body is not getting its nourishment needs met due to food scarcity, deprivation and undereating, it will do everything it can to get you to eat, including flooding your mind with thoughts of food.

In order to stop obsessing about food, you need to:

1/ Honor Your Hunger
Eat as soon as possible when subtle hunger sensations surface—or before they do if you anticipate becoming hungry yet circumstances won’t enable you to stop and eat (e.g., a work situation where eating isn’t possible).

If you have a hard time sensing your hunger cues, which can be the result of dieting, medication, certain health conditions, trauma and other factors, set an alarm on your phone or watch reminding you to eat at regular intervals. 

In general, you want to eat about every two to four waking hours depending on what and how much you consume at each sitting. For example, if you prefer to eat small meals or snacks throughout the day instead of larger meals, you may need to eat about every two hours.

Should you feel tempted to ignore the alarm when it goes off, remind yourself that you need to eat food to stop obsessing about food.  

2/ Eat Unconditionally
Give yourself full, unconditional permission to eat what you truly want whenever you want it—assuming you have access to it and don’t have any limitations due to a health condition, such as a nut allergy or celiac disease. 

Giving yourself the freedom to eat unconditionally isn’t being reckless or indulgent. It's about ditching external food rules that disconnect you from your body’s needs and desires and instead eating whatever tastes and feels the most satisfying to you.

Space for More Fulfilling Things
When your body’s nourishment needs are fully met and you no longer feel a sense of scarcity, deprivation and dissatisfaction with food, it will take a balanced place in your life.

You will think about food much less, ultimately freeing up space for more fulfilling, meaningful things.

If you have a long history of dieting and disordered eating, honoring your hunger and giving yourself unconditional permission to eat will likely feel very scary and challenging at first.

Your eating may feel off-kilter or out-of-sorts; this is a normal part of the process. Once you and your body truly trust that your needs will be consistently met, these feelings will subside. 

It’s essential to be patient and compassionate with yourself and, if possible, to get support from an Intuitive Eating-informed counselor, therapist, nutritionist or online community.

I encourage you to also keep reminding yourself of what’s on the other side of this often hard and messy work: a peaceful, balanced and liberating relationship with food.

*It’s important to note that these feelings can also be due to food insecurity if you don’t have reliable access to enough food because of financial constraints or other barriers. If this is the case, I encourage you to seek out local food banks and public assistance programs. Here’s a helpful place to start.

How to Ditch Diet and Weight Talk

When you’re working on breaking up with diet culture and healing your relationship with food and your body, you’ll likely become hyper-aware of how much your family members, friends and coworkers (and random strangers!) talk about diets and weight.

Whether it’s your mom raving about her new weight-loss plan, your trainer talking about his latest diet hack, a colleague complaining about how “bad” she’s eating, or a friend's frequent comments on other people’s bodies, diet and weight talk is everywhere.

If you’re like me, you probably used to participate in these conversations without giving it a second thought. This is completely understandable given how ingrained, habitual and normalized diet and weight talk are in our culture.

However, it doesn’t have to be the norm or acceptable, especially if you find such talk triggers negative feelings about your eating and body, causes you to doubt the path you’re on, tempts you to try one last diet, or just feels downright tiresome.

If this is the case, here are a few strategies for ditching diet and weight talk.

Don’t Contribute
When someone starts talking about these topics, don’t add fuel to the fire. By not contributing to the conversation, it will likely quickly peter out, especially if you’re engaging with just one person.

Change the Subject
There are a gazillion other things to talk about so changing the subject is usually pretty easy. Most of the time, the other person won’t even realize what you’ve done.

Remove Yourself
Remove yourself from the conversation by simply walking away or making an excuse to leave, such as needing to use the restroom or get back to work.

Make a Request, Set a Boundary
If you feel comfortable with making a specific request regarding what would be the most supportive or setting a boundary regarding what is no longer acceptable, following is some language to consider. Of course, what you say will depend on the situation and who you’re talking to. 

• Focusing on diets and weight has caused me to have a disordered relationship with food and my body. Will you help me create a healthy one by no longer talking about dieting and weight loss when we’re together?
  

• We waste so much time and energy talking about what we shouldn’t be eating and what’s wrong with our bodies. Can we agree to ditch the diet and weight talk and focus on more fun, interesting and meaningful subjects?
  

• I’m reclaiming my life from our toxic diet culture. Will you help me by not talking about or sending info on weight loss and diets, including detoxes, cleanses, resets, reboots and any other form of food restriction?
  

• All this talk about diets and weight feels so oppressive and disempowering. How about we make a pact to no longer discuss these things?
  

• I respect that you approach food and weight differently than I do. Can we agree to honor each other’s choices and not talk about these topics anymore?
  

• I love talking about all sorts of things with you, however, diets and weight are two things I won't talk about.
  

• I’m learning how to eat intuitively and accept my body. I'd appreciate if you supported me in this process by not bringing up anything about diets and weight. If you’d like to learn more, I’m happy to share my experience with you.

You Have the Right
Keep in mind that not everyone will remember your request or boundary, understand it or respect it—especially if they’re entrenched in diet culture. Thus, you may have to remind them multiple times, explain it further or be firmer.

Even if your conversations feel uncomfortable and scary, don’t give up.

You have the right to ask for what you need, to have your needs met, and to surround yourself with unconditional support

If I Go to the Party, I Might Blow My Diet

As we inch our way out of the pandemic, many people are excited to be out in the world socializing again. For most, the opportunity to freely connect with others in person is something to celebrate.

However, if you have a lot of food rules and restrictions, socializing can feel stressful, scary and just way too risky.

I know this was the case for me when I was dieting. Social events that involved food made me anxious. I became a master at avoiding any situation that threatened my need for control and that could potentially cause me to eat off-plan.

Staying Home Feels Safer
When I ask folks how dieting negatively impacts them, they almost always talk about how it adversely affects their social life.

It sounds something like this:

• I decline a lot of party invitations because I’m afraid if I go, I’ll break down and eat a bunch of food I shouldn’t be eating.
  

• Even though I’d like to, I don’t go out to lunch with my coworkers since the places they like don’t serve anything I can eat. Instead, I eat my diet-friendly lunch at my desk while scrolling through social media.
  

• I skip a lot of family gatherings because there’s always so much food, including many of my childhood favorites. I don’t want to be tempted and fall off the wagon.
  

• Rather than hang out with my friends on the weekends, I spend hours alone in my kitchen preparing my diet-approved meals for the upcoming week.
  

• I’d really like to meet someone, but dating is hard since my diet doesn't allow me to eat after 6:00 p.m.
  

• I get anxious about consuming too many calories/points/carbs when eating out with my friends so I often make excuses about why I can’t join them.
  

• I avoid taking trips if I won’t be able to control what food I’ll have access to. It’s just too stressful.
  

• When I go to an event, I’m so distracted by all the food I want but won't let myself have that it’s hard to be present with others. This doesn't feel good, so I’d rather just stay home.

Does any of this sound familiar to you? If so, I’m guessing you experienced some major relief during the pandemic when socializing in person came to a grinding halt.

(Please note, I’m not referring to dietary restrictions that are absolutely necessary due to health conditions such as celiac disease or a peanut allergy. Understandably, critical restrictions such as these can make navigating some social events more challenging and daunting.)

Social Life Suffers
As you may know all too well, when you place a lot of rules and restrictions on your eating, your social life can suffer tremendously.

Following a diet and/or living with a diet mentality makes it really hard to engage fully in your life. 

It's difficult to be flexible in different food situations and eating environments, to go with the flow, to be spontaneous and open to new experiences.

Your life becomes very restricted, contracted and small.

If you’re afraid of eating the “wrong” things, losing control with food and blowing your diet, it’s completely understandable why you would want to isolate yourself. You’re simply trying to be good, to protect yourself, to keep yourself safe.

Yet, the social isolation dieting can cause not only sucks a lot of the fun and joy out of your life, it also limits your opportunities for connecting with others in meaningful ways, which is essential for your wellbeing.

Not Inherently Dieters
Human beings are inherently social creatures. We are not inherently restrictive eaters.

We thrive when we regularly nourish ourselves with a wide variety of satisfying, pleasurable foods—as well as deep, fulfilling social connections.

If your diet keeps you stuck at home, afraid of socializing and losing control with food, I encourage you to truly consider if it's worth restricting your life for.