Why You Obsess About Food

Do you spend a lot of time, energy and headspace thinking about food?

Is it hard to focus on work, concentrate on a book or show, or stay present while socializing or parenting because you’re distracted by thoughts about what you’re allowed to eat, when you’re allowed to eat, what you shouldn’t have eaten, or what you really want to eat but won’t let yourself have?

If this describes your experience, it’s most likely because:

1/ You are not eating enough

and/or

2/ You are not eating what you really want

If you are restricting your food intake because you are following a plan, program or rules that dictate your eating, it’s only natural that you will feel both physically and psychologically deprived and thus be preoccupied with food.*

Not About Willpower, Discipline or Addiction
Constant thoughts about food are not due to a lack of willpower, poor self-discipline or food addiction, despite what our diet culture wants you to believe.

When your very wise body is not getting its nourishment needs met due to food scarcity, deprivation and undereating, it will do everything it can to get you to eat, including flooding your mind with thoughts of food.

In order to stop obsessing about food, you need to:

1/ Honor Your Hunger
Eat as soon as possible when subtle hunger sensations surface—or before they do if you anticipate becoming hungry yet circumstances won’t enable you to stop and eat (e.g., a work situation where eating isn’t possible).

If you have a hard time sensing your hunger cues, which can be the result of dieting, medication, certain health conditions, trauma and other factors, set an alarm on your phone or watch reminding you to eat at regular intervals. 

In general, you want to eat about every two to four waking hours depending on what and how much you consume at each sitting. For example, if you prefer to eat small meals or snacks throughout the day instead of larger meals, you may need to eat about every two hours.

Should you feel tempted to ignore the alarm when it goes off, remind yourself that you need to eat food to stop obsessing about food.  

2/ Eat Unconditionally
Give yourself full, unconditional permission to eat what you truly want whenever you want it—assuming you have access to it and don’t have any limitations due to a health condition, such as a nut allergy or celiac disease. 

Giving yourself the freedom to eat unconditionally isn’t being reckless or indulgent. It's about ditching external food rules that disconnect you from your body’s needs and desires and instead eating whatever tastes and feels the most satisfying to you.

Space for More Fulfilling Things
When your body’s nourishment needs are fully met and you no longer feel a sense of scarcity, deprivation and dissatisfaction with food, it will take a balanced place in your life.

You will think about food much less, ultimately freeing up space for more fulfilling, meaningful things.

If you have a long history of dieting and disordered eating, honoring your hunger and giving yourself unconditional permission to eat will likely feel very scary and challenging at first.

Your eating may feel off-kilter or out-of-sorts; this is a normal part of the process. Once you and your body truly trust that your needs will be consistently met, these feelings will subside. 

It’s essential to be patient and compassionate with yourself and, if possible, to get support from an Intuitive Eating-informed counselor, therapist, nutritionist or online community.

I encourage you to also keep reminding yourself of what’s on the other side of this often hard and messy work: a peaceful, balanced and liberating relationship with food.

*It’s important to note that these feelings can also be due to food insecurity if you don’t have reliable access to enough food because of financial constraints or other barriers. If this is the case, I encourage you to seek out local food banks and public assistance programs. Here’s a helpful place to start.

How to Ditch Diet and Weight Talk

When you’re working on breaking up with diet culture and healing your relationship with food and your body, you’ll likely become hyper-aware of how much your family members, friends and coworkers (and random strangers!) talk about diets and weight.

Whether it’s your mom raving about her new weight-loss plan, your trainer talking about his latest diet hack, a colleague complaining about how “bad” she’s eating, or a friend's frequent comments on other people’s bodies, diet and weight talk is everywhere.

If you’re like me, you probably used to participate in these conversations without giving it a second thought. This is completely understandable given how ingrained, habitual and normalized diet and weight talk are in our culture.

However, it doesn’t have to be the norm or acceptable, especially if you find such talk triggers negative feelings about your eating and body, causes you to doubt the path you’re on, tempts you to try one last diet, or just feels downright tiresome.

If this is the case, here are a few strategies for ditching diet and weight talk.

Don’t Contribute
When someone starts talking about these topics, don’t add fuel to the fire. By not contributing to the conversation, it will likely quickly peter out, especially if you’re engaging with just one person.

Change the Subject
There are a gazillion other things to talk about so changing the subject is usually pretty easy. Most of the time, the other person won’t even realize what you’ve done.

Remove Yourself
Remove yourself from the conversation by simply walking away or making an excuse to leave, such as needing to use the restroom or get back to work.

Make a Request, Set a Boundary
If you feel comfortable with making a specific request regarding what would be the most supportive or setting a boundary regarding what is no longer acceptable, following is some language to consider. Of course, what you say will depend on the situation and who you’re talking to. 

• Focusing on diets and weight has caused me to have a disordered relationship with food and my body. Will you help me create a healthy one by no longer talking about dieting and weight loss when we’re together?
  

• We waste so much time and energy talking about what we shouldn’t be eating and what’s wrong with our bodies. Can we agree to ditch the diet and weight talk and focus on more fun, interesting and meaningful subjects?
  

• I’m reclaiming my life from our toxic diet culture. Will you help me by not talking about or sending info on weight loss and diets, including detoxes, cleanses, resets, reboots and any other form of food restriction?
  

• All this talk about diets and weight feels so oppressive and disempowering. How about we make a pact to no longer discuss these things?
  

• I respect that you approach food and weight differently than I do. Can we agree to honor each other’s choices and not talk about these topics anymore?
  

• I love talking about all sorts of things with you, however, diets and weight are two things I won't talk about.
  

• I’m learning how to eat intuitively and accept my body. I'd appreciate if you supported me in this process by not bringing up anything about diets and weight. If you’d like to learn more, I’m happy to share my experience with you.

You Have the Right
Keep in mind that not everyone will remember your request or boundary, understand it or respect it—especially if they’re entrenched in diet culture. Thus, you may have to remind them multiple times, explain it further or be firmer.

Even if your conversations feel uncomfortable and scary, don’t give up.

You have the right to ask for what you need, to have your needs met, and to surround yourself with unconditional support

How to Make Up For All the Halloween Candy

With bowls and bags of Halloween candy scattered around the office and home, it’s understandable to eat more sugar at this time of year than perhaps you typically would, especially if you usually restrict sweets.

Thanks to diet culture, for many of us, eating episodes like this are considered a "food sin" and often lead to a punitive make-up mentality that sounds something like this:

To make up for eating all that candy, I will…

• skip breakfast and lunch tomorrow.

• cut carbs and work out extra hard all week.

• not eat sugar for the next month.

• go on a 7-day detox diet.

Perpetuates Vicious Cycle
This penance approach typically perpetuates a vicious cycle of restrict-binge-repeat.

It’s ineffective, physically and psychologically damaging, and causes a lot of unnecessary suffering.

The key to avoiding this painful cycle is to stop believing you have to make up for your eating.

Instead, when you feel like you’ve committed a “food transgression,” remind yourself that it's normal to eat a lot sometimes—especially when a food is restricted, scarce or novel (and tasty!).

Rather than feeling guilty, beating yourself up, and engaging in compensatory behaviors, simply resume your regular self-care practices.

Most importantly, listen to your body. It will tell you what it needs.

For example, after a night of enjoying lots of candy, you may wake up the next day and find your appetite is smaller than usual. So, eat a smaller breakfast. 

Or, you may find you’re hungry for your usual breakfast or something completely different. Go for whatever sounds the most nourishing and satisfying.

Don't deprive or punish yourself and your body because you feel you ate badly. Doing so always backfires. 

Instead of adhering to diet culture’s harmful rules, honor what your here-and-now body is needing and desiring. 

By avoiding a make-up mentality on Halloween and any time of the year, you’ll experience a greater sense of ease and peace with food and your body—and in your life.