I Thought I Had to Earn the Right to Eat

As I was standing in line at my favorite bakery following a Sunday morning run, the woman next to me exclaimed:

Well, you certainly deserve a pastry! You've earned it!

Years ago, when I was entrenched in diet culture, I would have completely agreed with her.

Back then, I believed in order to enjoy a scone, muffin or cinnamon roll, I had to earn the right to, usually by eating “clean” and exercising excessively.

It was only after consuming many bunches of greens and running many sweaty miles, that I’d give myself permission to sink my teeth into a buttery baked good without feeling guilty or ashamed. I had worked hard for it!

Earning the Right to Eat
Do you ever feel like you have to earn the right to eat something in particular or to eat at all? Do you question whether or not you deserve to? 

It often looks something like this:

• I had a big lunch at the restaurant so I shouldn’t eat much for dinner, even though I’m really hungry.

• I going to diet for the next few weeks so I can eat whatever I want on vacation.

• With a body like mine, I don’t deserve to eat what I actually want.

• I had a really hard day today; I've earned this ice cream!

• I really overdid it on the holiday candy, so no dessert for me this week.

• Since I skipped my workout this morning, carbs are off-limits today.

• As long as I eat good during the week, then I'm allowed to eat anything I want on the weekend.

• I’m celebrating my birthday tonight so I need to burn some serious calories at the gym this morning.

An Oppressive Belief System
Our diet culture’s “earn it and burn it” mindset is damaging and dangerous.

It fuels the diet mentality, drives disordered eating and, ultimately, negatively impacts your physical, mental, emotional and social health.

The idea that you have to earn the right to eat is an oppressive belief system created by diet culture. It causes you to obsess about what you shouldn’t eat and punish yourself for your "bad" choices rather than trust your inherent ability to nourish yourself.

You Deserve to Eat—No Matter What
There is nothing in the world that makes you unworthy of food.

Despite what diet culture wants you to believe, your eating does not have to be earned or paid for. 

You have the right to consume whatever you want, whenever you want and however much you want. 

You have the right to eat what looks good, tastes good and feels good in your body.

You deserve to eat without judgment, guilt or shame.

You deserve to eat without justifying, questioning, monitoring, moralizing, counting and compensating.

You deserve to eat with ease, freedom and gusto.

You deserve to eat no matter what.

It's your birthright.

Innate Capacity to Trust Your Body
Like all humans, you were born with the innate capacity to trust your body, your appetite, your instincts and your desires.

Diet culture disconnects you from this inner knowing. But you can reclaim it.

You can start by noticing when you question if you've earned the right to eat or if you deserve to eat. When that voice in your head pops up, hit the brakes and challenge your thinking.

Ask yourself: Where did this belief come from? Is it true? Is it based on my inner cues or external rules? Is it helpful or harmful? Is it driving a fraught, disordered relationship with food or a peaceful, trusting, pleasurable one? 

This type of self-inquiry will help you free yourself from our toxic diet culture and empower you to reclaim your ability to eat intuitively so you can spend your time, energy and headspace on more fulfilling, meaningful pursuits.

Josie's Hit Diet Rock Bottom. Have You, Too?

Josie has been dieting for more than 20 years.

At the age of 11, she went on her first diet. She’s been riding the dieting roller coaster ever since.

Over the years, she’s tried dozens of plans and programs, some of them multiple times.

She can easily rattle off the number of calories, points and carbs in hundreds of different foods.

Again and again, she’s felt the euphoria that comes with weight loss—and the shame that accompanies rebound weight gain.

When friends, co-workers and celebrities have raved about their new diet, she’s always jumped on board believing “This might finally be the one!”

Lately, however, she just can’t muster up her usual enthusiasm.

She’ll start a new diet then abandon it after a week or two.

Her decades of yo-yo dieting have left her feeling frustrated, exhausted, depressed and hopeless—and like a huge failure.

Josie's ready to throw her hands up in the air.

She's finally hit diet rock bottom.

Hitting Diet Rock Bottom
Although she’s unhappy with her weight, Josie can’t stand the thought of going on another diet.

She can’t stomach one more Last Supper, one more Monday of starting over, one more list of good and bad foods.

She’s burned out on tracking, counting, measuring and weighing.

She’s sick of letting her bathroom scale dictate her mood, her behavior and how her day unfolds.

So much of her life, she feels, has been wasted obsessing over every bite, feeling guilty about her choices and strategizing how she can make up for her food sins.

Josie’s tired of packing her own food to take to social gatherings and being preoccupied at parties by all the food she’s not allowed to eat but really, really wants.

She’s sad about how many events she’s skipped because she feared falling off the wagon or didn’t like how she looked.

After decades of being told what to eat, Josie doesn’t even know what she likes anymore.

She eats what she thinks she should, which often leaves her feeling unsatisfied and, understandably, scrounging for more food.

Her long list of food rules has sucked all the joy and pleasure out of eating.

The more she deprives herself, the more she finds herself eating in secret and bingeing on all her forbidden foods.

Many foods are banned from her house because she simply doesn’t trust herself with them.

Josie’s tired of denying her cravings, sneaking food, swinging from restricting to bingeing, and feeling out of control and ashamed.

She’s flat out dieted-out.

No matter how tempting the latest diet may sound, she now knows all too well that it will not improve her relationship with food and her body—it will only make it worse.

Yet, she doesn’t know what to do. For most of her life, all she’s known is dieting.

Sound Familiar?
If any of this sounds familiar, you’ve likely hit diet bottom, too.

Please know, you’re not alone.

I’ve heard hundreds of stories like Josie’s over the years.

And while you might feel like you’re stuck and at a dead end, you’re not.

There is another way; it's called Intuitive Eating.

Intuitive Eating isn't a plan or program but rather a set of guideposts that lead you back to the intuitive eater you can into this world as before diet culture disconnected you from your innate wisdom. 

It's about rejecting the diet mentality and trusting your body's inner cues (e.g., hunger, fullness, pleasure, satisfaction) to guide your eating instead of external rules.

By putting the same effort you put into dieting toward getting out of it, you can cultivate a more peaceful, trusting and roller coaster-free relationship with food and your body.

I don't have any magical powers. Neither do my clients. If we can reclaim our ability to eat intuitively, so can you.

Have You Ever Fallen Into the One-Last-Diet Trap?

Have you ever fallen into the one-last-diet trap?

It looks something like this:

• I’ll just do this one last diet, lose the weight for good, and then I’ll deal with my food issues.

• Even though I always gain the weight back, I have a strong feeling that this diet will be different.

• I’ve sworn off dieting, but so many of my friends are raving about this new program, I think I’ll give it a try.

• I’m going to be really good this time so this will be the last diet I’ll ever need to do.

• Let me just lose some quick pounds so I can leave dieting behind and start focusing on dating and job hunting.

• This program isn't a diet; it's a lifestyle change, even though it requires cutting out a bunch of foods and weighing myself daily.

Ignores the Facts
While the desire to lose weight is completely understandable given our weight-stigmatizing culture and its obsession with unrealistic body standards and tendency to equate thinness with health and moral virtue, falling into the one-last-diet trap ignores the fact that diets don’t work for most people.

There is not one study that shows that any intentional weight loss program leads to long-term weight loss.

Instead, research has found that 95 percent of dieters eventually regain the weight they lost and up to two-thirds gain back more than they lost.

Different Diet, Same Results
Rebound weight gain is not due to a lack of willpower, poor self-discipline or following the wrong diet.

Your body isn’t wired for restriction. It’s wired for survival.

Regardless of what diet, lifestyle or wellness plan you're doing, when you deprive your body of food, it thinks it’s being subjected to a famine and will do everything it can to survive. This includes triggering numerous compensatory processes, such as hormonal changes that increase appetite and decrease metabolism.

Although it may not feel like it, your body is trying to protect you.

Be Informed, Be Honest
As I said, the desire to diet and lose weight is completely understandable.

However, I think it’s critical that before embarking on yet another diet, you are fully informed of ALL the potential outcomes—especially all the stuff the diet ads and success stories don’t warn you about.

I also think it’s important to be really honest with yourself when it comes to your own personal experience with dieting and other forms of food restriction.

Would you describe it as successful, even if you regained the weight?

How has it affected you physically, mentally, emotionally and socially?

How has it impacted your relationship with food and your body?

How much of your time, energy, headspace and money has it wasted?

Is it truly aligned with what you value the most in your life?

When you reflect on your dieting history, you'll likely see all the more clearly how futile and harmful dieting can be. This is such helpful information to remember the next time you're tempted to try one last diet. 

Dieting Won’t Bring You Peace
If you want a peaceful relationship with food and your body, it can’t be achieved through dieting. If anything, dieting will only exacerbate your challenges.

Rather than put all your energy toward depriving yourself for a short-term result with potentially negative side effects, what if you put it towards healing your relationship with food and your body so you can avoid the traps and get off the dieting roller coaster once and for all?