Josie's Hit Diet Rock Bottom. Have You, Too?

Josie has been dieting for more than 20 years.

At the age of 11, she went on her first diet. She’s been riding the dieting roller coaster ever since.

Over the years, she’s tried dozens of plans and programs, some of them multiple times.

She can easily rattle off the number of calories, points and carbs in hundreds of different foods.

Again and again, she’s felt the euphoria that comes with weight loss—and the shame that accompanies rebound weight gain.

When friends, co-workers and celebrities have raved about their new diet, she’s always jumped on board believing “This might finally be the one!”

Lately, however, she just can’t muster up her usual enthusiasm.

She’ll start a new diet then abandon it after a week or two.

Her decades of yo-yo dieting have left her feeling frustrated, exhausted, depressed and hopeless—and like a huge failure.

Josie's ready to throw her hands up in the air.

She's finally hit diet rock bottom.

Hitting Diet Rock Bottom
Although she’s unhappy with her weight, Josie can’t stand the thought of going on another diet.

She can’t stomach one more Last Supper, one more Monday of starting over, one more list of good and bad foods.

She’s burned out on tracking, counting, measuring and weighing.

She’s sick of letting her bathroom scale dictate her mood, her behavior and how her day unfolds.

So much of her life, she feels, has been wasted obsessing over every bite, feeling guilty about her choices and strategizing how she can make up for her food sins.

Josie’s tired of packing her own food to take to social gatherings and being preoccupied at parties by all the food she’s not allowed to eat but really, really wants.

She’s sad about how many events she’s skipped because she feared falling off the wagon or didn’t like how she looked.

After decades of being told what to eat, Josie doesn’t even know what she likes anymore.

She eats what she thinks she should, which often leaves her feeling unsatisfied and, understandably, scrounging for more food.

Her long list of food rules has sucked all the joy and pleasure out of eating.

The more she deprives herself, the more she finds herself eating in secret and bingeing on all her forbidden foods.

Many foods are banned from her house because she simply doesn’t trust herself with them.

Josie’s tired of denying her cravings, sneaking food, swinging from restricting to bingeing, and feeling out of control and ashamed.

She’s flat out dieted-out.

No matter how tempting the latest diet may sound, she now knows all too well that it will not improve her relationship with food and her body—it will only make it worse.

Yet, she doesn’t know what to do. For most of her life, all she’s known is dieting.

Sound Familiar?
If any of this sounds familiar, you’ve likely hit diet bottom, too.

Please know, you’re not alone.

I’ve heard hundreds of stories like Josie’s over the years.

And while you might feel like you’re stuck and at a dead end, you’re not.

There is another way; it's called Intuitive Eating.

Intuitive Eating isn't a plan or program but rather a set of guideposts that lead you back to the intuitive eater you can into this world as before diet culture disconnected you from your innate wisdom. 

It's about rejecting the diet mentality and trusting your body's inner cues (e.g., hunger, fullness, pleasure, satisfaction) to guide your eating instead of external rules.

By putting the same effort you put into dieting toward getting out of it, you can cultivate a more peaceful, trusting and roller coaster-free relationship with food and your body.

I don't have any magical powers. Neither do my clients. If we can reclaim our ability to eat intuitively, so can you.

Have You Ever Fallen Into the One-Last-Diet Trap?

Have you ever fallen into the one-last-diet trap?

It looks something like this:

• I’ll just do this one last diet, lose the weight for good, and then I’ll deal with my food issues.

• Even though I always gain the weight back, I have a strong feeling that this diet will be different.

• I’ve sworn off dieting, but so many of my friends are raving about this new program, I think I’ll give it a try.

• I’m going to be really good this time so this will be the last diet I’ll ever need to do.

• Let me just lose some quick pounds so I can leave dieting behind and start focusing on dating and job hunting.

• This program isn't a diet; it's a lifestyle change, even though it requires cutting out a bunch of foods and weighing myself daily.

Ignores the Facts
While the desire to lose weight is completely understandable given our weight-stigmatizing culture and its obsession with unrealistic body standards and tendency to equate thinness with health and moral virtue, falling into the one-last-diet trap ignores the fact that diets don’t work for most people.

There is not one study that shows that any intentional weight loss program leads to long-term weight loss.

Instead, research has found that 95 percent of dieters eventually regain the weight they lost and up to two-thirds gain back more than they lost.

Different Diet, Same Results
Rebound weight gain is not due to a lack of willpower, poor self-discipline or following the wrong diet.

Your body isn’t wired for restriction. It’s wired for survival.

Regardless of what diet, lifestyle or wellness plan you're doing, when you deprive your body of food, it thinks it’s being subjected to a famine and will do everything it can to survive. This includes triggering numerous compensatory processes, such as hormonal changes that increase appetite and decrease metabolism.

Although it may not feel like it, your body is trying to protect you.

Be Informed, Be Honest
As I said, the desire to diet and lose weight is completely understandable.

However, I think it’s critical that before embarking on yet another diet, you are fully informed of ALL the potential outcomes—especially all the stuff the diet ads and success stories don’t warn you about.

I also think it’s important to be really honest with yourself when it comes to your own personal experience with dieting and other forms of food restriction.

Would you describe it as successful, even if you regained the weight?

How has it affected you physically, mentally, emotionally and socially?

How has it impacted your relationship with food and your body?

How much of your time, energy, headspace and money has it wasted?

Is it truly aligned with what you value the most in your life?

When you reflect on your dieting history, you'll likely see all the more clearly how futile and harmful dieting can be. This is such helpful information to remember the next time you're tempted to try one last diet. 

Dieting Won’t Bring You Peace
If you want a peaceful relationship with food and your body, it can’t be achieved through dieting. If anything, dieting will only exacerbate your challenges.

Rather than put all your energy toward depriving yourself for a short-term result with potentially negative side effects, what if you put it towards healing your relationship with food and your body so you can avoid the traps and get off the dieting roller coaster once and for all?

Do You Play Hide & Eat?

Have you ever played Hide & Eat?

Also known as sneak eating or secret eating, it looks something like this:

As soon as her co-workers leave the room, Kim snatches a handful of leftover cookies and quickly throws them into her bag. She declined them during the meeting secretly hoping there’d be leftovers she could eat alone at home.

Once everyone is asleep, Janice sneaks into the kitchen, quietly opens the freezer door and grabs a pint of ice cream, which she hurriedly eats while standing in the dark.

When Jack goes to the restroom, Jim stuffs the last slice of pizza into his mouth before the waiter comes to clear the table and his friend returns.

Val keeps a stash of chocolate bars hidden in the back of her sock drawer. She eats them in bed while watching TV, then buries the wrappers in the trashcan so her roommates won’t see them.

Perhaps, like me, you can you relate to these stories. During my dieting years, I mastered the game of Hide & Eat!

Why We Play Hide & Eat
There are many very valid reasons why you might play Hide & Eat. Following are just a few.

• You’ve internalized diet-culture messaging that assigns moral value to food and judges people as good or bad based on their food choices (i.e., if you eat something "bad," you're bad).

• You don’t want to tarnish your reputation as a “healthy person,” "clean eater” or “dedicated dieter.”

• You fear it’s unacceptable to eat certain foods (or eat at all) because of the size of your body, what you've already eaten, or your lack of exercise.

• You don’t want anyone to witness what you believe is a lack of willpower, discipline or self-control.

• You’re afraid of the external food police making comments about your food choices, like “Do you really think you should be eating that?” or “I thought you gave up sugar!”

• You love the thrill of rebelling against a restrictive diet or watchful partner or parent, yet don't want to suffer the consequences of getting caught.

• If no one sees you breaking your food rules or eating a forbidden food, it didn't happen or doesn't count.

• You’re experiencing an uncomfortable emotion, such as anxiety, sadness, loneliness, and long ago learned to hide your feelings, retreat from the world, and self-soothe with food.

Conditioned to Play
Although it can feel really shameful and embarrassing, your desire to play Hide & Eat is completely understandable.

Most likely, from a very young age, you’​​​​​​​ve been conditioned (like most of us) by our insidious, pervasive diet culture to believe that much of your value and worth is determined by your size, shape and what’s on our plate.

This deeply ingrained, shame-triggering social construct can easily compel you to hide any behavior that could potentially be considered bad and ultimately jeopardize people’s perception and acceptance of you.

The risk of being seen feels too great.

Not Your Fault
None of this is your fault. You’re simply trying to protect yourself from painful perceived threats, like judgment, criticism and rejection.

But, as you may know all too well, playing Hide & Eat is not a very fun game. It’s a fear-based, shame-driven activity that’s exhausting, demoralizing and disempowering.

Plus, it’s hard to enjoy whatever it is you’re eating when you’re anxiously consuming it at a fast and furious pace while crouched in a dark corner trying not to make any noise.

The good news is you can come out of hiding whenever you’re ready.

You Can Walk Away
Walking away from the game of Hide & Eat can take a lot of courage and self-compassion, especially if you’ve been playing it for a long time.

It’s best to take small steps, like setting boundaries with the Food Police in your life or experimenting with eating a forbidden food out in the open, perhaps with a supportive friend.

Disrupting the pattern of secret eating requires reassuring and proving to your scared self that it is safe to eat whatever and whenever you want and that your needs and desires are always valid.

Of course, if you are in a situation where you truly don't feel safe being seen eating, especially certain foods, by all means, eat in private. Doing so is self-protection and absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

Seek Support
Untangling yourself from the grip of our toxic diet culture can be downright challenging.

I encourage you to seek support from a weight-neutral, anti-diet practitioner who can help you let go of the beliefs and behaviors (and games) that are no longer serving you. You deserve to eat and live freely.