Are You Fixating A Lot On Your Body These Days?

Are you fixating on your body a lot these days?

Do you have a strong urge to diet and lose weight?

Or maybe you’re afraid of gaining weight.

If so, it makes sense.

When life feels out of your control, when you’re feeling anxious, scared and helpless, it’s human nature to search for something that gives you a sense of control.

In the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic, stocking your pantry and cupboards with multiple weeks worth of food and personal care products likely made you feel a bit in control—something we’re all grasping for right now as we try to navigate this life-altering global crisis that is largely out of our control.

But now that we’re a few weeks in and still facing an unprecedented level of uncertainty, it’s understandable to seek other things that give you the illusion of control.

For you and many others, this might mean trying to control your eating and your body.

Okay Body, Okay Life
Like shopping and stockpiling, focusing on your weight feels accessible, doable and reassuring. If you have a history of dieting, it's an especially calming, familiar place to turn to when faced with so many unknowns. 

Diet culture, after all, has conditioned us to believe—from a very young age and without our consent—that if we can just control our eating and our weight and feel good about our body then everything will be okay and life will be easier.

So it’s completely understandable why you would fixate on your body as a way to cope with the difficult, distressing and overwhelming emotions you’re likely experiencing right now.

Not Really in Our Control
Yet, despite what diet culture has led us to believe, we do not have complete control over the size and shape of our body.

It’s not simply a matter of “eat less and exercise more.”

The human body isn't that simplistic.

Your weight is impacted by multiple complex factors, including your genetics, environment, and social and economic conditions.

And research shows that the vast majority of people who lose weight eventually gain it back, and many gain back more than they lost.

If this has been your experience, it’s not because you failed or lack willpower and self-discipline.

When you deprive your body of food, it thinks it's being subjected to a famine and will do everything it can to survive. This includes triggering numerous compensatory processes, such as hormonal changes that increase your appetite and decrease your metabolism

Weight-Neutral, Sustainable Self-Care
So rather than focus on something that is short-lived, unsustainable, exhausting and potentially harmful to your physical and psychological wellbeing, I encourage you to direct your precious time, energy and headspace toward more meaningful, fulfilling pursuits.

This includes weight-neutral, sustainable and pleasurable self-care practices that help you ride this emotional roller coaster with greater ease and feel better in your here-and-now body.

I also encourage you to be compassionate, gentle and patient with yourself.

Times are tough. Trust that you’re doing the best you can.

If you're struggling and would like support, please feel free to reach out. Thankfully, I'm still able to support my clients via video during this challenging time.

Does Your Eating Feel Off-Kilter?

On the day the coronavirus shelter-in-place mandate was announced for San Francisco, I couldn’t remember eating my lunch.

I looked down at my plate and saw crumbs but no food.

The evidence was clear: I had finished my meal. Yet, I was so anxious and distracted, I didn’t recall eating it.

Over the past few days, I’ve also noticed myself eating faster than usual and stockpiling my favorite bread (my ultimate comfort food).

And, I’ve been frequently craving chocolate-chunk ice cream, chocolate donuts and chocolate-chip cookies—all foods that remind me of the ease and simplicity of my childhood.

Has your eating been feeling off-kilter lately, too?

Perhaps it feels scattered, mindless, chaotic or urgent.

Maybe you’re reaching for foods you typically don’t go for. Or eating at odd times for you or eating more than you usually do.

Whether driven by fear, anxiety, stress, sadness, loneliness or boredom, your emotional eating may feel like it’s in overdrive right now.

If this is your experience, please know IT’S COMPLETELY OKAY.

There is nothing wrong with you or with your eating.

A Wise Coping Strategy
There are always very valid reasons why we do what we do when it comes to food.

Using food to navigate difficult emotions is completely understandable and a much-needed coping mechanism during times of distress.

Diet culture has conditioned us to view emotional eating as a bad thing, as a sign of weakness, a lack of willpower, something we must hide, fix or make up for.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

It’s actually a very wise strategy in that the act of eating can be very grounding, soothing and relaxing. It helps calm your nervous system.

It also provides refuge, a safe and secure place to go to when you’re feeling overwhelmed and not sure where to turn or what to do.

Self-Compassion is Key
Rather than feeling like your eating is out of control, beating yourself up for eating “badly” and nose-diving into a shame spiral, which is highly likely if you have a history of dieting and food restriction, I encourage you to practice self-compassion by reminding yourself that emotional eating is a form of self-care.

It’s an easy way to meet your needs, a way to soothe, comfort and take care of yourself when life is hard.

And, with all the uncertainty, disruption and loss right now, life is really, really hard.

So, please, take care of yourself however you can.

Pause and Check In
You might find it helpful to pause and check in with yourself throughout the day. Ask yourself: What am I feeling? What do I need?

Consider what would feel the most nourishing, comforting, calming and grounding.

Maybe it is eating a bowl of ice cream or bag of chips.

Maybe it’s baking cookies, walking in the park, escaping into a book, listening to the birds, cooking a pot of soup, napping in the sunshine, or finding a quiet spot to pray or meditate.

Maybe it’s a combination of things.

Whatever it is, trust it’s exactly what you need.

If you're struggling and would like support, please feel free to reach out. Thankfully, I'm still able to support my clients via video during this challenging time.

I Finished Off the Cake to Save Myself from Eating Badly Tomorrow

I stared at the remaining chocolate cake on the plate.

Although I was full and no longer getting much pleasure from it, I finished it off.

My rationale for doing so was basically:

Let me just get this over with so I can go back to being good tomorrow.

Have you ever had an experience like this, dear reader?

I used to do it all the time with all kinds of foods I considered “bad,” from cake, cookies and chips to pizza, pastries and ice cream.

In my mind, if I got rid of the “bad” food by eating it (throwing it away felt wasteful), then I’d have a better chance of getting back on track the next day.

Calmed My Anxiety
Driven by a deeply entrenched diet mentality, every night I would judge my day of eating as either good or bad.

Knowing a “bad” food wouldn’t be in my house to tempt me tomorrow helped calm my anxiety about having another bad day of eating, especially if I felt I had been on a streak of bad eating days.

It felt reassuring to know I would be able to go to bed tomorrow and feel good about my eating and, ultimately, myself.

Finishing off food for this reason was never an enjoyable eating experience.

Rather, it was my way of saving my future self from negative feelings about myself.

Although I couldn’t see it then, this “looking out for myself” was actually a form of self-protection. I was simply trying to take care of myself.

Eat and Move On
My need to polish off a food so I could start fresh the next day diminished when I challenged my diet mentality and stopped labeling food and my eating as good or bad.

By making all foods morally and emotionally equivalent, I no longer feel compelled to eat something just to get rid of it so I can feel more in control and better about myself the next day.

It’s now easy to wrap up whatever’s remaining to enjoy later because I stopped putting conditions on my eating and don’t feel guilty about eating anything at any time.

This doesn’t mean I never finish something off and reach a point of uncomfortable fullness. I absolutely do!

Sometimes, I’ll make a conscious decision to eat all of the cake or the pizza or the ice cream even though I’m full simply because I’m really enjoying it—not because I’m scared of it.

My intentions have changed and my eating is no longer a big deal. Now, I just eat and move on.

If my “eat it all now to get rid of it” story sounds all too familiar, please know it is possible for you to have a more relaxed, neutral and peaceful relationship with food, too.

I don't have any magical powers. If I can do it, so can you.