Eating Your Way Through Tough Times

With all the tragic events that have taken place over the past few weeks and months, like me, you may be experiencing a wide range of emotions, from disbelief, sadness and despair to helplessness, anger and anxiety.

You may have also noticed yourself more frequently reaching for a pint of ice cream, bag of chips or box of cookies to alleviate these strong emotions.

This is totally okay.

Eating sometimes for emotional reasons is part of normal eating.

It’s simply an attempt to take care of yourself—a coping strategy when times are tough.

The important thing is to not beat yourself up over it. 

It’s much more helpful to view each experience as an opportunity to learn more about yourself—to expand your self-awareness and cultivate more wisdom.

Doing so will help you approach future emotional eating episodes with a greater understanding of your true needs and a larger set of tools for fulfilling them.

Pause and Reflect
When you find yourself turning to food to regulate uncomfortable emotions, hit pause and ask yourself:

What need am I trying to fulfill with this food?

Maybe it’s comfort, pleasure, relief, distraction or connection.

Once you’ve identified what it is you really need, reflect on what will help you get it.

For example, if you discover what you’re really seeking is connection (not cookies), consider how you can meet this deeper need.

Perhaps it’s talking with a loved one, support group or therapist; playing with your dog; spending time with Mother Nature; volunteering in your community; or engaging with like-minded activists.

Whatever you come up with, add it to your toolbox.

Curiosity and Compassion
Sometimes you won’t know what you truly need until after you’ve brushed the chip crumbs off your shirt or washed the chocolate off your fingers. Keep reflecting; the answer will eventually come to you.

The key is to approach your emotional eating with curiosity and compassion, rather than criticism and judgment.

Doing so will enable you to become more aware of what drives your eating decisions, and empower you to have a different relationship with food—not a perfect one, but a more relaxed, trusting and peaceful one.

Screw It!
Even as you become more attuned to your true needs, you may sometimes say, “screw it!” and choose to emotionally eat. Again, this is totally okay and normal.

When you do make this more conscious choice, let go of any negative self-talk.

You know, that voice in your head that says, “I shouldn’t be doing this. I’m breaking the rules and being bad. I’m must make up for this food sin by working out extra hard and skipping breakfast and lunch tomorrow.”

Instead, squash that voice, sit down, and slowly savor every single bite. 

Belly Full but Mouth Still Hungry? 3 Reasons Why...

Do you ever end a meal with a full belly yet your mouth is still hankering for something more?

This is called "mouth hunger," and it happens for many reasons from nutritional to emotional. Let's explore three of them:

1. Lack of Presence
When you eat breakfast while driving, inhale your lunch while working, and scarf down dinner while watching TV, your brain and body miss out on the complete eating experience—that is, the nuances of your food's taste, texture, aroma and appearance.

Your lack of presence leaves you full yet unfulfilled, so your mouth demands more.

2. Macronutrient Imbalance
If your meal doesn't provide a good balance of macronutrients—protein, fats and carbs—your mouth hunger may be a yearning for a particular nutrient.

I used to crave almond butter after finishing breakfast, which I discovered was my body's way of telling me it needed more fat and protein in my morning meal.

3. Low-Pleasure Foods
Low-pleasure foods can show up on your plate in many ways. It may be due to a recipe not turning out quite right, a diet plan that doesn't satisfy your taste buds, or an attempt to eat a “healthier” version of a food you’re really craving.

When your meal doesn't provide pleasure, your mouth will seek satisfaction from more food.  

Hit Pause, Get Curious
The next time your belly is full but your mouth is still hungry, hit pause and get curious. Reflect on what may have been missing from your meal.

Do you need to slow down and ditch mealtime distractions (e.g., computer, phone, TV, magazines, car, etc.)?

Do you need to create more balanced meals or pitch your restrictive diet?

Do you need to honor what your body truly wants and needs rather than eat what you think you should?
 
Respond with curiosity and compassion, not judgment or guilt. Engage fully with the experience and let it expand and deepen your relationship with food and your body.

The Shameful Brownie

Can you relate to this story?

I was a young teen enjoying the fun and excitement of a kitchen full of friends, family and yummy food. As I reached for one of my favorite treats, a homemade dark-chocolate brownie, a young guy standing across the room smirked at me and said loudly:

“Once on your lips, forever on your hips.”

I shrunk back from the counter, brownie in hand, cheeks burning bright red with shame and humiliation. Shoulders slumped, head down, I turned away without saying a word and headed to a quiet corner to eat my brownie alone. Sadly, it didn’t taste as good as it usually did.

Those eight words stung. This is what they meant to my 12-year-old mind:

• I should be worried about my weight.
   

• I should fear gaining weight.
   

• Eating treats, like brownies, will make me gain weight, which makes them bad.
   

• Eating bad foods makes me a bad person.
   

• I will have to pay for my food sins.
   

• People are observing and judging my actions.
   

• If I eat bad food, I better do it while no one is watching. 
   

• If I eat bad food, I will immediately gain weight. 
   

• I need to vigilantly monitor every morsel I eat.
   

• With a body like this, I don’t deserve to eat treats.
   

• I am somehow falling short.

Cemented Core Beliefs
This incident further cemented many core beliefs about food and body that had begun taking root inside my increasingly self-conscious teenage self as I attempted to navigate a culture obsessed with dieting and skinniness. 

These core beliefs led to decades of deprivation and overindulgence, playing Hide and Eat, and making food choices based not on nourishment and pleasure, but rather on how they would impact my weight.

And, they contributed to years of warring with my body and bouncing between good-girl/bad-girl status depending upon whether I ate a big bowl of broccoli or a big bowl of ice cream. Guilt and shame were constant dining companions.

Three Takeaways
While there are many takeaways from my story, there are three key ones I want to emphasize: 

1. The Power of Words
My hope is that this story will remind you of the tremendous power of your words and to be extremely conscientious and thoughtful about the comments you make to others regarding their body, food choices and eating habits.

This is especially important with children, teenagers and young adults, who are so incredibly impressionable, eager to be loved and belong, and struggling to develop a strong sense of self. 

This also includes negative, disempowering comments you make about yourself to yourself and others about your own body and food choices, which come from your own core beliefs and can easily influence other people's core beliefs.

2. You're Not Alone
I shared this story to let you know that if your food choices, eating habits and/or body shape make you feel guilty, ashamed, embarrassed or unworthy, you’re not alone and it's not your fault. 

Many of us experience these same feelings. 

Most likely, your beliefs and actions are being driven by a set of core beliefs you adopted at a very young age, that are often influenced by repeated messages you received from others, your environment and diet/weight loss culture.

3. You Can Change
Lastly, may my story reassure you that you have the capacity to change your core beliefs and transform your relationship with food, eating and your body into a more nourishing, loving, relaxed and peaceful one, just as I've done (and continue to do). I don’t have any magical powers. If I can do it, you can do it. 

One of the first places to start is sharing your own stories in a safe and accepting space, whether it’s with a trusted friend, therapist, coach or support group. For most of us, exposing this dark, messy side of ourselves is really scary. 

It wasn't easy when I first started talking about aspects of myself that I had long kept hidden. I still feel a bit of vulnerability and fear every time I share one of my stories.

However, over time, I’ve found doing so has helped me cultivate greater self-acceptance and unconditional self-love. And, it's helped me release my feelings of shame and create deeper connections with others who can relate to my experience.

As shame and vulnerability expert Dr. Brene Brown says:

"If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can't survive."