Do You Control Your Appetite?

Naturally, after recently bragging to a gym mate about how I hadn't been sick in years, I was struck down with a nasty flu bug. My long list of symptoms included zero appetite. Not only was I not hungry, everything I ate tasted awful.

After nearly two weeks, I knew I was on the road to recovery when I woke up with a voracious appetite. It felt so good to feel hungry again. It felt exquisite to once again experience pleasure from food.

Controlling Appetite
This experience prompted me to reflect on the importance of appetite. So often, people ask me how they can control or suppress their appetite. It's common to view our appetite as the enemy, something that can't be trusted, something to fear, something that must be controlled.

When you think about it, however, your appetite is essential for life. It keeps you alive by telling you it's time to eat. Fighting it simply goes against the laws of nature.

Fighting your appetite often leads to intense cravings, overeating and binge eating. And, fighting anything puts your body in the physiologic stress response.

Yet, so many of us have been trained to believe that having an appetite is bad and that controlling it is good.

In Caroline Knapp's book, Appetites, she speaks of our culturally conditioned suspicion that "hungers themselves are somehow invalid or wrong, that indulgences must be earned and paid for, that the satisfaction of appetites often comes with a bill...appetites are at best risky, at worst impermissible...yielding to hunger may be permissible under certain conditions, but most likely it's something to be Earned or Monitored and Controlled. A controlled appetite, prerequisite for slenderness, connotes beauty, desirability, worthiness."

Your Appetite: Friend or Foe?
What's your relationship like with your appetite? Is it your friend or foe? Do you trust it, fight it, ignore it, override it? Are you grateful for it, or frustrated by it? Do you feel anxious when it calls, powerful when you restrain it, or weak when you cave into it?

Finding Your Natural Appetite
While it may take some time, it is possible to cultivate a relaxed, life-affirming relationship with your appetite. Doing so requires tuning into the wisdom of your body and trusting it to guide you--not some external forces or a belief that wanting food says anything about who you are as a person.  

Why I Lived on an Apple and Candy Bar a Day...

Yesterday's holiday stirred up some poignant memories. 

When I was 12 years old, I spent hours in a department store with my mom desperately searching every rack for the perfect green shirt to wear to school on St. Patrick's Day. It was the night before and, with empty hands, I quickly spiraled into a state of distress. Without the perfect shirt, I was absolutely convinced my entire holiday would be ruined.

Funny thing is, I can't remember anything about the actual holiday. But my memory of how distraught I felt is crystal clear. At such a young age, I was completely hitching my happiness to external things. Over time, the perfect shirt turned into the perfect hair and, eventually, the perfect body. 

In junior high, if my hair didn't look just right, I spent the entire day in a funk. I remember pointing out to friends how awful it looked. It was critical that I acknowledged it first before they had a chance to say anything (the perfect strategy for protecting myself from my own imaginary ideas about what they were thinking!).

My Apple and Candy Bar Diet
My obsession with obtaining the perfect body escalated in high school. The most intense months were after my boyfriend broke up with me. I lived on an apple and candy bar a day. I figured if I was skinnier, he would regret dumping such a hot chick and come crawling back. Being skinny meant I would be more acceptable, desirable, lovable and cool--basically boyfriend-worthy and bulletproof.

My boyfriend did come back, but the size of my jeans didn't stop my heart from being broken again and again.

A 20-Ton Shield
My never-ending quest for perfection is defined so well by Brene Brown, researcher and author of The Gifts of Imperfection:

"Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfectly, look perfectly and act perfectly, we can avoid the pain of blame, judgment and shame. It's a 20-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it's the thing that's really preventing us from taking flight."

Body Bashing Banned
In recent years, I've been releasing my deeply ingrained beliefs regarding perfectionism, especially when it comes to my body. No longer are my days consumed and ruined by my body bashing. No longer does all my energy and headspace go toward fixing it. Naturally, I want a strong, healthy body but I no longer believe I will be healthier, happier or more lovable when I fit into my skinny jeans.

I've made peace with my reflection in the mirror. I won't lie; it wasn't easy. Not at first. But I kept at it. Whenever I caught myself going down the path of self-attack, I hit the breaks and turned toward love. As a result, I feel lighter in my body even though my body hasn’t changed, but more importantly, I feel lighter in my heart.

Is your quest for the perfect body, weight, diet, workout regime, relationship, job, or whatever stopping you from taking flight?

Grade School Weigh-Ins

When I was in grade school, once a year the teacher would march the students to the nurse's office to be weighed. As we sat cross-legged on the floor, one by one each kid stepped on the scale in front of the class. I can still feel how my face burned with shame when the nurse called out my weight to be recorded by her assistant.
 
Sadly, my young mind was already attaching my self-worth, attractiveness and popularity to the number on the scale. I was hugely relieved when they started offering private weigh-ins enabling me to escape the public humiliation of weighing more than my twiggy friends.
 
A Love/Hate Relationship
Those annual weigh-ins are my earliest memory of what would become a love/hate relationship with the scale. For decades, every morning and sometimes multiple times a day, I would step on the scale and allow it to dictate how I felt and treated myself. If the number was low, I was high. If the number was high, I was low.
 
A "bad" number sent me into the land of self-attack, self-loathing, calorie slashing, punishing exercise and social withdrawal. All my energy went toward changing that number. I let a piece of junk and some arbitrary digits rule my life.
 
Sound familiar?
 
A Liberating Breakup
A few years ago, after finally realizing how abusive yet addictive this relationship was, I broke up with the scale. Instead of weighing myself, I started tuning into how I felt in my body. I ceased allowing the scale to dictate my mood, worth, attractiveness and lovability.
 
Dumping the scale has been extremely empowering and liberating. I'm immensely more connected to my body and much happier in my own skin.
 
Step into Innate Body Wisdom
Are you a slave to the scale?
 
Or do you rely on other external sources (e.g., your jean size, calorie counters, miles jogged, people's opinion) for the answers, for validation, to tell you how you should feel about yourself? If you do, try instead turning inward and checking in with your innate body wisdom.

Rather than stepping on the scale, step into your heart and ask yourself, "How do I feel in my body today? Do I feel healthy, nourished, grounded, strong, serene?"

Use your body's feedback--not something or someone else's input--to empower and guide you toward a vibrant, healthy, joyful and authentic life.