I Used to Track Hit Songs. Before Calories Came Along.

Yesterday, I was reflecting on how when I was a kid, New Year’s Eve meant lying for hours on the brown shag carpet in our family room in front of our large stereo credenza.  

Every year, I would excitedly attempt to write down every song on our local radio station’s countdown of the top 100 songs of the year. 

This was the early 80s, so a list wasn’t available online. I had to create my own.

I tried to stay glued to the radio as much as possible so I could track each song when it was announced and played. I remember anxiously scrambling back to my spot after a bathroom break to ensure I didn’t miss anything. 

I kept those lists for a few years so I could reflect on the hit songs and what was going on in my life at that time, like favorite outfits, crushes, roller-skating parties and sleepovers.

Tracking My Body
Sadly, as I grew older, my list-making changed from recording fun things like popular songs to meticulously tracking calories, good and bad foods consumed, workout days, miles ran, the number on the scale—all the things diet culture tells us we need to vigilantly monitor to achieve our ideal body.

While tracking these things often gave me a sense of accomplishment when I did the “right” thing, they also caused tremendous distress, anxiety and guilt when I didn’t. 

My tracking kept me overly preoccupied with my eating, exercise and body. 

And, it consumed a ton of my time, energy and headspace. (It was especially time-consuming as apps didn’t exist back then to simplify the process; much of my tracking was done on paper and eventually on spreadsheets.)

Disordered and Disconnected
If you have a history of dieting, you are likely quite familiar with tracking things like pounds, calories, points, carbs, macros, workouts, steps, hours between meals, etc. 

And, maybe like me, you eventually started to realize what you thought was helpful was actually harmful, that all your tracking was contributing to an unsatisfying and disordered relationship with food, exercise and your body and preventing you from living a full and fulfilling life.

Once I stopped tracking, I began to see how much it had disconnected me from my body. 

Eating decisions were often made based on what I was allowed to have according to my food tracking rather than what my body needed or wanted. 

Exercise decisions were often made based on what workout I had recorded the day prior or how much I ate the night before not on what my body needed or wanted in that moment. 

If I Did Track…
I don’t track anything these days but if I did, I hope it would be all the ways I treat my body with love, respect, care and tenderness and all the things I do to expand my life rather than shrink it. 

But far more importantly, if I did track anything, I'd like it to be all the meaningful things I hope I'm doing to enrich the lives of others, alleviate suffering and make the world a better place.