How Has Dieting Diminished Your Life?

While traveling in Morocco a few years ago, I befriended some young folks while staying at their family’s riad (guesthouse).

After asking them about their favorite local foods, they eagerly offered to take me to a roadside café located on the outskirts of their small town to experience “Berber Pizza.”

Made with a double crust, the pizza is typically stuffed with meat and veggies heavily seasoned with ras el hanout, a mixture of numerous spices like cumin, coriander, cardamom, clove, ginger, paprika, turmeric and more.

I opted for the veggie version while my new friends went for the traditional lamb one.

Bursting with flavor, the pizza, along with my affable dining companions and endless cups of sweet mint tea, made for one of my most memorable experiences in Morocco.

Wouldn’t Have Happened
This moment, however, wouldn’t have happened if I had still been entrenched in diet culture.

I likely would have rejected my friends’ generous offer if I were counting calories, shunning gluten or afraid of carbs.

I would have struck out on my own to find something “safe” to eat, something that didn’t break any of my food rules and leave me feeling overindulgent and guilty.

Or, if I had accepted, I probably would have been distracted throughout lunch thinking about how I was going to make up for eating something “off plan,” perhaps by eating less for dinner or going for a run later.

I’m so grateful I worked hard to make peace with food so I could have such an enjoyable, unforgettable experience, and many more like it.

It’s so freeing to be able to share food with others without my inner Food Police trying to spoil the fun—without all the diet culture noise and the unnecessary anxiety, stress and guilt it causes.

Diminished My Life
Sadly, I spent many years skipping social gatherings, special celebrations and once-in-a-lifetime experiences because I feared there wouldn’t be any of my allowed foods or that I would lose control once I started eating.

On the rare occasion I would attend an event involving food, I was often preoccupied thinking about the food I wanted but wasn’t letting myself have, perhaps even devising a plan for how I could sneak some of it to eat in secret later.

Natural Response to Deprivation
Looking back, I have so much compassion for my younger self as I now understand that my thoughts and behaviors were a natural response to food restriction and deprivation. 

Once I stopped dieting and started trusting my body's needs and desires and giving myself unconditional permission to eat, I discovered I could have a relaxed, flexible, peaceful and pleasurable relationship with food—one that truly enriches my life rather than diminishing it.

A Few Things to Reflect On...
In what ways has dieting diminished your life?

How has it stopped you from living fully, especially in pre-pandemic times? Here's what some of my clients have shared.

How would your life expand if you made peace with food? What "Berber Pizza" moments would you get to experience?

4 Intuitive Eating Tips for a Peaceful Thanksgiving

However your holiday will look this year, if you or someone in your circle has a fraught relationship with food, Thanksgiving can be a challenging time.

Following are four Intuitive Eating tips to help you navigate the holiday (and every day) with greater ease.

1. Fire Your Internal Food Police
Your internal food police are the loud, relentless voices in your head that make you feel bad about your eating.

They try to enforce the unreasonable rules our diet and wellness cultures have created and make you feel guilty and ashamed about your food choices. And, they compel you to take compensatory measures to make up for your “food sins,” like exercising excessively or cleansing post-holiday—unhelpful behaviors that usually backfire.

In order to have a peaceful relationship with food, you must fire your food police by challenging your food rules and beliefs and removing any morality and judgment surrounding food.

Keep in mind that…

• All foods are morally and emotionally equal regardless of their nutritional value. A baked sweet potato is equal to sweet potato pie; eating one or the other doesn’t make you good or bad.

• Making peace with food means giving yourself unconditional permission to eat whatever looks good, tastes good and feels good in your body, without internal judgment or external influence.

• All foods fit in a balanced diet. This includes everything from turkey, stuffing and green-bean casserole to Brussels sprouts, mashed potatoes and mac-and-cheese. (Of course, if you have food allergy or intolerance, this needs to be honored.)

Normal eating includes sometimes eating simply for pleasure and sometimes eating until you're stuffed. Neither one is a crime you have to pay a penance for.

Unless you stole your food or harmed someone to get it, there’s no place for guilt in your eating world.

2. Set Boundaries with External Food Police
Your external food police are people who say things like “Do you really need more mashed potatoes?” or “You’re gonna regret that second slice of pecan pie!”

Regardless of the food cop’s intentions, you have the right to eat whatever you want without having someone negatively comment on, criticize, judge or question your choices.

Whether it’s a family member, partner or friend patrolling your eating, it’s important to set boundaries regarding what comments are inappropriate and unwelcomed. Here are a few comebacks:

• I trust myself to give my body what it needs.

• You mind your own plate and I’ll mind mine.

• I know you mean well, but your comments aren’t helpful.

Head on over to here for more ideas.

3. Say No to Food Pushers
Whether they are trying to express their love, be a gracious host or offload their extra food, food pushers can be tricky to say no to, especially when they’re persistent. However, you’re under no obligation to take food you don’t want, either because you’re full or simply don’t desire it.

If a simple “No, thank you” doesn’t work, try responding with:

• It looks so yummy but I’m full; I’d love to take some home or get your recipe.

• I’d really love to eat more, but couldn’t possibly swallow another bite without feeling uncomfortably full.

• I know I usually say yes, however, I’m trying to honor the messages my body is sending me, and right now, it's telling me it's full! I’m sure you can respect this.

4. Squash the Diet and Weight Talk
“I’m being so bad! Today is definitely my cheat day!"

“This is a calorie bomb! We'll need to burn this off tomorrow!”

"I can't believe how many carbs I'm eating. I'm going to pay for this!"

During the Thanksgiving feast, it’s not uncommon to hear remarks like these. Nor is it uncommon for such remarks to trigger feelings of anxiety, guilt and shame.

Set an intention before the festivities to not participate in diet and weight talk. Instead, switch the topic to books, movies, sports or the reason for the season—gratitude.

I hope these tips help you have a more peaceful and relaxed relationship with food, both on Thanksgiving Day and every day of the year.

My Unhealthy Obsession with Healthy Eating

The other day, I went to the grocery store to buy cough drops.

I scanned the packages looking for a flavor that sounded appealing.

In less than a minute, I grabbed the honey cherry drops and headed to the cashier hopeful the lozenges would soon soothe my aching throat and nagging cough.

Reflecting on this quick, easy transaction, I was struck once again by how much my relationship with food has changed.

Hyper-Fixated on Quality
Years ago, when I was entrenched in diet and wellness culture, not only was I obsessed with the number of calories I ate, I was also hyper-fixated on the quality of the food I consumed.

While I had long been interested in healthy eating, it wasn't until I began training to become a health coach that my interest in healthy eating escalated to a point where I agonized over the purity of nearly every single morsel I put in my mouth.

I can vividly remember once when I had a cold kneeling on the floor of my local pharmacy analyzing the back of the cough drop packages to determine which one had the highest-quality ingredients and lowest amount of sugar.

I wasted hours going to multiple neighborhood drug stores that day in search of the “healthiest” cough drops—time that would have been far better spent resting in bed.

Agonized Over Every Decision
My cough drop incident stands out to me as it epitomizes how extreme my behavior had become.

At the time, however, I couldn’t see it.

Preoccupied with eating perfectly, I couldn’t see how disordered my relationship with food was and how this was impacting my overall wellbeing, including how overwhelmed I was by everyday decisions.

Should I buy the local cow-milk yogurt or the mass-produced soy yogurt?

Should I get the expensive gluten-free bread from the freezer section or the cheaper whole-wheat bread fresh from the bakery in town?

Should I go for the wilting bunch of locally grown kale or the perkier kale that was packaged in a plastic bag and shipped from another country?

From green juices and protein bars to hummus and spaghetti sauce, I’d take so much time scrutinizing every label and sweating every detail that my boyfriend refused to keep shopping with me.  

More Rules and Restrictions
My obsession with eating clean and maintaining my reputation as a healthy eater added another layer of rules and restrictions on top of the already long list of food rules I followed in attempt to shrink my body.

I’d snub my nose at salmon that wasn’t wild, apples that weren't farm fresh, and tomatoes that were out of season.

If an almond butter had added oils or sugar, it stayed on the shelf. I wouldn’t touch strawberries that weren’t organic. I turned my back on anything made with refined flour.

Most regrettably, I shunned family favorites and food traditions if they contained “bad” ingredients.

Harming My Health
While I didn’t know it at the time, I was struggling with orthorexia—an unhealthy obsession with healthy eating.

I believed my high standards and food moralism were improving my wellbeing when they were actually harming my physical, mental, emotional and social health. 

Naturally, my rigid rules turned me into a rigid person.

As more and more foods became demonized and off-limits, eating in an environment where I wouldn’t have control of my options became extremely difficult.

I feared going to restaurants and dinner parties. Work lunches, happy hours, birthday celebrations and wedding receptions caused me anxiety. Traveling to new locales became stressful.

I was no longer the flexible, spontaneous and carefree eater I used to be.

Instead, I was wasting an inordinate amount of time, energy, money and headspace doing what our diet and wellness culture had told me was the healthy, correct thing to do.

Healthy Relationship with Food
Thankfully, with the help of some wise guides, I was finally able to see how disordered my relationship with food had become.

I came to understand that healthy eating, first and foremost, means having a healthy relationship with food.

To me, that means one that’s peaceful, relaxed, flexible, satisfying, trusting and intuitive.

Of course, while I no longer have food rules, I still have some food preferences.

However, I no longer stress out or feel guilty if I’m unable to eat exactly what I want. I just eat and move on.

And, wow, has this made my eating—and my life—so much easier and so much more enjoyable.

If you relate to any of my story, I encourage you to see support from a non-diet, weight-neutral practitioner, whether it’s a therapist, nutritionist, coach or counselor. I’m here for you if need me.