How to Ditch Diet and Weight Talk

When you’re working on breaking up with diet culture and healing your relationship with food and your body, you’ll likely become hyper-aware of how much your family members, friends and coworkers (and random strangers!) talk about diets and weight.

Whether it’s your mom raving about her new weight-loss plan, your trainer talking about his latest diet hack, a colleague complaining about how “bad” she’s eating, or a friend's frequent comments on other people’s bodies, diet and weight talk is everywhere.

If you’re like me, you probably used to participate in these conversations without giving it a second thought. This is completely understandable given how ingrained, habitual and normalized diet and weight talk are in our culture.

However, it doesn’t have to be the norm or acceptable, especially if you find such talk triggers negative feelings about your eating and body, causes you to doubt the path you’re on, tempts you to try one last diet, or just feels downright tiresome.

If this is the case, here are a few strategies for ditching diet and weight talk.

Don’t Contribute
When someone starts talking about these topics, don’t add fuel to the fire. By not contributing to the conversation, it will likely quickly peter out, especially if you’re engaging with just one person.

Change the Subject
There are a gazillion other things to talk about so changing the subject is usually pretty easy. Most of the time, the other person won’t even realize what you’ve done.

Remove Yourself
Remove yourself from the conversation by simply walking away or making an excuse to leave, such as needing to use the restroom or get back to work.

Make a Request, Set a Boundary
If you feel comfortable with making a specific request regarding what would be the most supportive or setting a boundary regarding what is no longer acceptable, following is some language to consider. Of course, what you say will depend on the situation and who you’re talking to. 

• Focusing on diets and weight has caused me to have a disordered relationship with food and my body. Will you help me create a healthy one by no longer talking about dieting and weight loss when we’re together?
  

• We waste so much time and energy talking about what we shouldn’t be eating and what’s wrong with our bodies. Can we agree to ditch the diet and weight talk and focus on more fun, interesting and meaningful subjects?
  

• I’m reclaiming my life from our toxic diet culture. Will you help me by not talking about or sending info on weight loss and diets, including detoxes, cleanses, resets, reboots and any other form of food restriction?
  

• All this talk about diets and weight feels so oppressive and disempowering. How about we make a pact to no longer discuss these things?
  

• I respect that you approach food and weight differently than I do. Can we agree to honor each other’s choices and not talk about these topics anymore?
  

• I love talking about all sorts of things with you, however, diets and weight are two things I won't talk about.
  

• I’m learning how to eat intuitively and accept my body. I'd appreciate if you supported me in this process by not bringing up anything about diets and weight. If you’d like to learn more, I’m happy to share my experience with you.

You Have the Right
Keep in mind that not everyone will remember your request or boundary, understand it or respect it—especially if they’re entrenched in diet culture. Thus, you may have to remind them multiple times, explain it further or be firmer.

Even if your conversations feel uncomfortable and scary, don’t give up.

You have the right to ask for what you need, to have your needs met, and to surround yourself with unconditional support

If I Go to the Party, I Might Blow My Diet

As we inch our way out of the pandemic, many people are excited to be out in the world socializing again. For most, the opportunity to freely connect with others in person is something to celebrate.

However, if you have a lot of food rules and restrictions, socializing can feel stressful, scary and just way too risky.

I know this was the case for me when I was dieting. Social events that involved food made me anxious. I became a master at avoiding any situation that threatened my need for control and that could potentially cause me to eat off-plan.

Staying Home Feels Safer
When I ask folks how dieting negatively impacts them, they almost always talk about how it adversely affects their social life.

It sounds something like this:

• I decline a lot of party invitations because I’m afraid if I go, I’ll break down and eat a bunch of food I shouldn’t be eating.
  

• Even though I’d like to, I don’t go out to lunch with my coworkers since the places they like don’t serve anything I can eat. Instead, I eat my diet-friendly lunch at my desk while scrolling through social media.
  

• I skip a lot of family gatherings because there’s always so much food, including many of my childhood favorites. I don’t want to be tempted and fall off the wagon.
  

• Rather than hang out with my friends on the weekends, I spend hours alone in my kitchen preparing my diet-approved meals for the upcoming week.
  

• I’d really like to meet someone, but dating is hard since my diet doesn't allow me to eat after 6:00 p.m.
  

• I get anxious about consuming too many calories/points/carbs when eating out with my friends so I often make excuses about why I can’t join them.
  

• I avoid taking trips if I won’t be able to control what food I’ll have access to. It’s just too stressful.
  

• When I go to an event, I’m so distracted by all the food I want but won't let myself have that it’s hard to be present with others. This doesn't feel good, so I’d rather just stay home.

Does any of this sound familiar to you? If so, I’m guessing you experienced some major relief during the pandemic when socializing in person came to a grinding halt.

(Please note, I’m not referring to dietary restrictions that are absolutely necessary due to health conditions such as celiac disease or a peanut allergy. Understandably, critical restrictions such as these can make navigating some social events more challenging and daunting.)

Social Life Suffers
As you may know all too well, when you place a lot of rules and restrictions on your eating, your social life can suffer tremendously.

Following a diet and/or living with a diet mentality makes it really hard to engage fully in your life. 

It's difficult to be flexible in different food situations and eating environments, to go with the flow, to be spontaneous and open to new experiences.

Your life becomes very restricted, contracted and small.

If you’re afraid of eating the “wrong” things, losing control with food and blowing your diet, it’s completely understandable why you would want to isolate yourself. You’re simply trying to be good, to protect yourself, to keep yourself safe.

Yet, the social isolation dieting can cause not only sucks a lot of the fun and joy out of your life, it also limits your opportunities for connecting with others in meaningful ways, which is essential for your wellbeing.

Not Inherently Dieters
Human beings are inherently social creatures. We are not inherently restrictive eaters.

We thrive when we regularly nourish ourselves with a wide variety of satisfying, pleasurable foods—as well as deep, fulfilling social connections.

If your diet keeps you stuck at home, afraid of socializing and losing control with food, I encourage you to truly consider if it's worth restricting your life for.

Today, I'm Getting Back On Track!

Today, I’m getting back on track!

How many Mondays have you said this to yourself?

How many times have you started your week with promises to eat better, eat less, eat clean, eat perfectly?

This used to be my weekly pattern.

I would lie in bed on Sunday night regretting how badly I felt I had eaten all weekend.

To quiet my inner food police and alleviate the guilt, shame and anxiety I felt, I’d promise myself that, starting tomorrow, things would be different.

Full of Hope
I’d wake up Monday feeling excited and hopeful about getting my act together.

Often, I’d be “good” and feel in control for the first few days of the week.

By Thursday night, however, things would start to fall apart. My discipline and willpower would begin to diminish.

I’d find myself obsessing about food, giving into my cravings, breaking my food rules, and reuniting with all the “bad” foods I declared off-limits on Monday.

I would try to fight it for a while, but eventually, I’d just throw my hands in the air exclaiming, “What the hell! I might as well just go for it because come Monday, I’m never letting myself do this again!”

Endless Cycle
Every weekend became a Last Supper.

It was an endless, exhausting cycle.

When I finally hit rock bottom and realized how damaging my diet mentality was, I began taking steps toward healing my relationship with food and my body.

This included breaking up with diet culture, ditching my diet mentality and food rules, and learning how to eat intuitively again.

Of course, this didn’t happen overnight.

Intuitive Eating is not a quick fix. It is, however, a pathway to freedom.

Since there are no rules and no illegal foods, there's no possibility of being bad, failing the plan and getting thrown in dieting jail.

Just Another Day
Now, Mondays are just another day for me.

The idea of “getting back on track” doesn’t enter my mind on the first day—or any day—of the week.

If you have a pattern of "starting over tomorrow" with your eating, please know that the desire to do so is completely understandable. It's natural to turn toward whatever might make you feel better.

However, instead of being stuck on this emotionally-draining roller coaster, I invite you to reflect on how it would feel to have a steady, peaceful relationship with food. How might your life change if every day of eating was just another day?