My Last Last Supper. It Involved A Lot of Bread.

Many years ago, I went to see a naturopath about some health challenges I was having. As part of my treatment, she asked me to eliminate some foods from my diet, including gluten. Desperate to feel better, I agreed to do so.

I gave myself one last week to eat all my favorite gluten-containing foods.

During those last few days, I vividly recall feasting on artisanal sourdough loaves from my beloved local bread maker. 

I also raided all my favorite bakeries loading up on blueberry scones, chocolate chip cookies, veggie focaccia, chocolate fudge cake, and yes, more bread.

The idea of future deprivation drove this intense phase of one-last-shot, now-or-never eating. I happily gorged on gluten while simultaneously grieving the end of our relationship.

Can you relate to this behavior?

It’s called Last Supper Eating.

Farewell-to-Food Feast
Before embarking on a new diet, plan or program, have you ever found yourself eating everything in sight, especially the foods that will soon be forbidden?

Or perhaps you planned one last elaborate meal featuring all the dishes that would be off-limits starting tomorrow.

If you’re a yo-yo dieter, you’re likely very familiar with this pre-dieting ritual. Maybe it occurs every Sunday night before you get back on track on Monday.

Like many of my clients, you may view this period of intense, frantic consumption—which is often followed by overwhelming guilt—as “proof” that you need to restrict your eating because you simply can’t control yourself around food.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

The threat of food restriction can naturally trigger a Last Supper, farewell-to-food feast. It’s human nature to respond this way when deprivation and scarcity are just around the corner.

Yet, it’s so easy to go into self-blame and shame.

How to End Last Supper Eating
Intuitive Eating puts an end to Last Supper Eating.

With Intuitive Eating, there is no deprivation. You have unconditional permission to eat whatever looks good, tastes good, and feels good in your body.

Instead of depriving yourself and eating according to a set of rules, you ask yourself questions such as: What will hit the spot? What will satisfy my needs and desires? Is this satisfying? Do I like how it tastes and how it makes my body feel? Would I do anything differently next time?

In the Driver's Seat
When I started reclaiming my ability to eat intuitively, I asked myself if I actually liked the gluten-free foods I was eating.

The gluten-free bread, for example, was tolerable. It wasn’t delicious. It was simply an expensive vehicle for nut butter.

Since it wasn’t medically necessary for me to eliminate gluten (i.e., I don’t have celiac disease), I experimented with eating my beloved breads again, along with other gluten-containing foods—and my body felt just fine.

Although well-intentioned, the diet the naturopath put me on didn’t improve my health. It only caused a lot of unnecessary stress and left me feeling deprived and unsatisfied, which always backfires.

As an Intuitive Eater, I'm in the driver's seat. 

I determine what works best for me by staying attuned to the messages my body sends and focusing on what's satisfying.

If I skip a particular food because I don’t like how it tastes or feels in my body, I don’t view it as deprivation as I know I can have it if I truly want it, now or in the future.

It's such a relief to know I’ve had my last Last Supper.

Is It Ok to Eat Sweet Potatoes? When Food Stresses You Out

Many years ago, when I was deeply entrenched in wellness culture, I was listening to an episode of a popular podcast that was all about optimizing your health.

The host and his guest were taking calls from listeners. I’ll never forget one listener who called in to ask if sweet potatoes were allowed on the particular “lifestyle diet” she was following. 

I was struck by the distraught tone of her voice and how stressed she was about whether or not it was okay to eat a sweet potato. 

Of course, there was a part of me that related to her struggle. 

While I never restricted sweet potatoes, I certainly restricted many other foods I considered “bad."

Like her, I often felt confused about what I should or shouldn’t be eating and feared breaking a food rule as doing so felt catastrophic. I identified with her desire to eat perfectly and her need to be in control of every morsel she consumed.

And, I understood all too well the overwhelming, relentless stress and anxiety that comes along with all of this. 

I Felt Sad, Too
However, there was also a part of me that felt sad—sad for her and sad about the entire situation. 

I remember thinking there was something not quite right about being so stressed out about eating a particular food—and something not quite right about three adults discussing the pros and cons of her eating it.

It was distressing to consider how much time and energy we were all wasting on our quest to be perfect, healthy eaters when there were so many more important, meaningful and fulfilling things to focus on. 

Was this really the best use of our lives? 

And, if what we were doing in the “name of health” was causing us so much emotional stress, was it really healthy?

Started to Question
It was moments like these that caused me to start questioning wellness culture, which is mostly diet culture in disguise, and my participation in it.

I was beginning to see the many ways it can trigger disordered eating with all its fearmongering, good and bad foods, eat this, not that lists, and gazillion other often conflicting and harmful messages, all largely driven by anti-fat bias.

I started to examine my own food rules and fears, including investigating where they came from, the evidence behind them, and if they truly supported my wellbeing. 

I discovered that none of them were warranted.

They disconnected me from my body, caused a lot of needless suffering and stress, and stopped me from having an intuitive, satisfying and peaceful relationship with food.

Of course, if I had a health condition that necessitated avoiding a specific food, like Celiac disease or a shellfish allergy, trepidation about consuming gluten, shrimp, etc. would be an understandable, rational fear. 

I hope the sweet-potato lady eventually overcame her unnecessary food fears, ditched her stressful rules and found her way to food freedom. And, I hope you do, too. 

After Dinner, I Went Looking for More Food

Has this ever happened to you?

Immediately after finishing dinner the other night, I started rummaging through my cupboards looking for something else to eat.

I wasn’t hungry. I was unsatisfied.

I didn’t completely dislike what I ate for dinner. It just didn’t hit the spot. 

My ho-hum meal left me wanting more. It left me wanting pleasure.

Feeling pleasure-deprived, I kept trying different foods until I found something that truly satisfied me. Once I did, my eating experience felt complete and I was able to move on with my evening.

Wired for Pleasure
As humans, we’re wired for pleasure. When our meals lack pleasure, it’s a natural human response to seek out food that meets our fundamental need for it.

There are many reasons why a meal may be pleasure deficient.

It could be because the recipe you made didn’t turn out quite right, or you’re stuck in a food rut, or bored with your leftovers. 

Maybe the entrée you ordered at the restaurant didn’t live up to your expectations or wasn’t what you really wanted because you were trying to make the “right” choice. Or perhaps the takeout food you had delivered arrived irreparably tough or soggy.

Or maybe you were dieting, which is rarely pleasurable.

If you’ve ever followed a plan that restricted what you were allowed to eat, that didn’t let you have what you really wanted, that didn’t satisfy your hunger or taste buds, you may have frequently found yourself after finishing a lackluster meal digging through your fridge or cabinets looking for something more to eat.

You may even have found yourself feeling a bit binge-y after your meal.

Despite what diet culture wants you to believe, this is not due to a lack of control, willpower or self-discipline. It’s due to being human. 

You’re simply trying to take care of your unmet need for pleasure.

Satisfaction-Based Eating
If you have a history of dieting, most of your eating decisions have likely been driven by questions such as “What am I allowed to have?” or “What have I earned the right to eat?” or “What should I eat?”

When working with my clients on shifting from restrictive, rules-based eating to unconditional, attuned eating, their food decisions start to be guided by satisfaction- and pleasure-based questions, such as:

• What sounds satisfying? What will hit the spot?

• How can I make my meal pleasurable?

• What will taste and feel the most satisfying?

• What will satisfy my hunger level, my appetite, my desires?

It may be hard to answer these questions in the beginning as dieting can cause you to lose touch with what you actually like to eat.

Radically Change Your Relationship
Approaching eating decisions through the lens of pleasure and satisfaction versus rules and restriction can radically change your relationship with food, and frankly, your overall quality of life.

Of course, not every meal is going to be a five-star experience. For most of us, life doesn’t work that way. 

Sometimes food is just fuel to get you through your day. Sometimes whatever you have on hand is good enough. 

Sometimes you may have barriers that prevent you from having what you really want, like budget, time, energy or access limitations.

However, if your eating experiences are often unsatisfying due to all the diet and wellness culture rules you’re following, I encourage you to experiment with making choices based on what you’re desiring instead of what you’re denying yourself.

Understandably, doing so might feel pretty scary, especially as diet culture conditions us to mistrust our bodies, our instincts and our desires. 

Most of us worry we’ll lose control if we allow ourselves to eat what we actually want. We’re afraid we’ll never stop eating and completely go to pot. 

The opposite tends to be true, however. My clients are often surprised to discover their eating feels much more balanced, nourishing and fulfilling when they make choices based on pleasure and satisfaction instead of restriction and deprivation.

As the journey toward a more pleasurable, satisfying relationship with food is often full of many challenging twists and turns, it can be quite helpful to get support from an Intuitive Eating community, therapist, counselor or coach. I’m here for you if you need me.