How to Ditch Diet and Weight Talk

When you’re working on breaking up with diet culture and healing your relationship with food and your body, you’ll likely become hyper-aware of how much your family members, friends and coworkers (and random strangers!) talk about diets and weight.

Whether it’s your mom raving about her new weight-loss plan, your trainer talking about his latest diet hack, a colleague complaining about how “bad” she’s eating, or a friend's frequent comments on other people’s bodies, diet and weight talk is everywhere.

If you’re like me, you probably used to participate in these conversations without giving it a second thought. This is completely understandable given how ingrained, habitual and normalized diet and weight talk are in our culture.

However, it doesn’t have to be the norm or acceptable, especially if you find such talk triggers negative feelings about your eating and body, causes you to doubt the path you’re on, tempts you to try one last diet, or just feels downright tiresome.

If this is the case, here are a few strategies for ditching diet and weight talk.

Don’t Contribute
When someone starts talking about these topics, don’t add fuel to the fire. By not contributing to the conversation, it will likely quickly peter out, especially if you’re engaging with just one person.

Change the Subject
There are a gazillion other things to talk about so changing the subject is usually pretty easy. Most of the time, the other person won’t even realize what you’ve done.

Remove Yourself
Remove yourself from the conversation by simply walking away or making an excuse to leave, such as needing to use the restroom or get back to work.

Make a Request, Set a Boundary
If you feel comfortable with making a specific request regarding what would be the most supportive or setting a boundary regarding what is no longer acceptable, following is some language to consider. Of course, what you say will depend on the situation and who you’re talking to. 

• Focusing on diets and weight has caused me to have a disordered relationship with food and my body. Will you help me create a healthy one by no longer talking about dieting and weight loss when we’re together?
  

• We waste so much time and energy talking about what we shouldn’t be eating and what’s wrong with our bodies. Can we agree to ditch the diet and weight talk and focus on more fun, interesting and meaningful subjects?
  

• I’m reclaiming my life from our toxic diet culture. Will you help me by not talking about or sending info on weight loss and diets, including detoxes, cleanses, resets, reboots and any other form of food restriction?
  

• All this talk about diets and weight feels so oppressive and disempowering. How about we make a pact to no longer discuss these things?
  

• I respect that you approach food and weight differently than I do. Can we agree to honor each other’s choices and not talk about these topics anymore?
  

• I love talking about all sorts of things with you, however, diets and weight are two things I won't talk about.
  

• I’m learning how to eat intuitively and accept my body. I'd appreciate if you supported me in this process by not bringing up anything about diets and weight. If you’d like to learn more, I’m happy to share my experience with you.

You Have the Right
Keep in mind that not everyone will remember your request or boundary, understand it or respect it—especially if they’re entrenched in diet culture. Thus, you may have to remind them multiple times, explain it further or be firmer.

Even if your conversations feel uncomfortable and scary, don’t give up.

You have the right to ask for what you need, to have your needs met, and to surround yourself with unconditional support

How to Make Up For All the Halloween Candy

With bowls and bags of Halloween candy scattered around the office and home, it’s understandable to eat more sugar at this time of year than perhaps you typically would, especially if you usually restrict sweets.

Thanks to diet culture, for many of us, eating episodes like this are considered a "food sin" and often lead to a punitive make-up mentality that sounds something like this:

To make up for eating all that candy, I will…

• skip breakfast and lunch tomorrow.

• cut carbs and work out extra hard all week.

• not eat sugar for the next month.

• go on a 7-day detox diet.

Perpetuates Vicious Cycle
This penance approach typically perpetuates a vicious cycle of restrict-binge-repeat.

It’s ineffective, physically and psychologically damaging, and causes a lot of unnecessary suffering.

The key to avoiding this painful cycle is to stop believing you have to make up for your eating.

Instead, when you feel like you’ve committed a “food transgression,” remind yourself that it's normal to eat a lot sometimes—especially when a food is restricted, scarce or novel (and tasty!).

Rather than feeling guilty, beating yourself up, and engaging in compensatory behaviors, simply resume your regular self-care practices.

Most importantly, listen to your body. It will tell you what it needs.

For example, after a night of enjoying lots of candy, you may wake up the next day and find your appetite is smaller than usual. So, eat a smaller breakfast. 

Or, you may find you’re hungry for your usual breakfast or something completely different. Go for whatever sounds the most nourishing and satisfying.

Don't deprive or punish yourself and your body because you feel you ate badly. Doing so always backfires. 

Instead of adhering to diet culture’s harmful rules, honor what your here-and-now body is needing and desiring. 

By avoiding a make-up mentality on Halloween and any time of the year, you’ll experience a greater sense of ease and peace with food and your body—and in your life.

Donuts, Video Games and Ease

When I was a kid, one of my best friends lived across the street. Her name was Jennie.

A few days a week, Jennie’s mom Betty would babysit me. This basically meant getting to play with Jennie for hours on end. It also meant going wherever Betty needed to go. 

Back then, playing in a bowling league was a popular pastime for many of our parents and once a week we would go to the bowling alley with Betty. 

While she threw strikes and picked up spares, Jennie and I would have a blast running around the cigarette smoke-filled alley, yelling over the loud music and crashing pins while spending all our allowance on video games in the arcade. 

To keep us fueled up and out of her hair while she bowled, Betty would buy us both a cake donut. I loved eating those donuts, especially the ones with chocolate frosting, just as much as I loved gobbling up all those Pac-Man dots.

A Sense of Ease
Besides my joyful memories of freely roaming the bowling alley with my best friend, what I also cherish about that time is the sense of ease I had with eating.

I didn’t yet have a diet mentality and a bunch of food rules dictating what I should or shouldn’t eat. 

I hadn’t been taught yet to count calories, to fear fat grams, to worry about carbs or to question if I deserved to eat something. 

I hadn’t yet learned to not trust my body and to feel bad, guilty and ashamed about my eating. I just knew what tasted and felt satisfying. 

Before diet culture tainted my relationship with food (and because I never faced food insecurity), I had an easy, relaxed relationship with it. It didn’t dominate my time, energy and headspace.

Like best friends and video games, food was just one of many sources of pleasure in my life.

After years spent riding the dieting/restriction roller coaster with all its rigid food rules, it’s this sense of ease that I longed to reconnect with. 

Reclaimed My Ability to Just Eat
By reclaiming my ability to eat intuitively, which included ditching my diet mentality and food rules, challenging my anti-fat bias, and giving myself unconditional permission to eat with attunement to my body’s needs, I was once again able to simply eat a donut and move on. 

This reclamation wasn’t fast or easy, however, the food freedom, peace and ease I reconnected with on the other side made it so worth it.

When was the last time you experienced a sense of ease with your eating? 

What was different about that time? 

How would your life change if you felt a sense of ease with your eating again, or perhaps for the first time?