My Two Thanksgiving Wishes for You...

I have two Thanksgiving wishes for you...
 
1. Slow Down
Years ago, I spent hours with two other women preparing a delicious Thanksgiving feast, only to watch our guests scarf it down in less than 15 minutes, then leave the table. Barely a sentence was spoken throughout the entire meal.

They grabbed dessert and headed back to the TV leaving the cooks behind as we stared at our half-empty plates.

I was disappointed and, well, really annoyed.

My first wish for you this Thanksgiving is to slow down.

Savor every moment and morsel.

Linger over your meal enjoying good conversation with your table mates. Truly taste and savor each and every bite.

My family has a fun tradition of posing questions to the entire table then taking turns answering them. Everyone participates, from ages 6 to 80.

Questions range from “What movie character would you like to be?” and “If you could be any flavor of ice cream, what would you be and why? to "What was your best day ever?”

By slowing down, you will experience greater pleasure and satisfaction and feel much more energized and connected to your body and your loved ones.

2. Write a Thank You Letter…to Your Body

Many of us spend an inordinate amount of time criticizing our body. 

Doing so causes unnecessary stress and suffering. It drains your energy and life force.

My second wish for you is that you begin to adopt a policy of kindness, compassion and acceptance toward your body.

As you count your blessing this Thanksgiving, take time to write a thank you letter to your body. Tell it absolutely everything you’re grateful for.

For example, thank your…

• heart for beating on its own and for feeling all kinds of love

• legs for enabling you to walk, run, dance, hike or ski

• arms for carrying your child or hugging a loved one

• eyes for seeing all the beauty and goodness in the world

• nose for smelling blooming flowers, baking bread, brewing coffee and freshly cut grass

• hands for performing millions of tiny miracles throughout the day, from tying shoes and texting friends to scratching your dog's belly and selecting a perfectly ripe avocado

This simple yet powerful act can put you on the path to creating a more loving, relaxed and peaceful relationship with your body.

For more tips on cultivating an attitude of gratitude, head on over to here.

The Shameful Brownie

Can you relate to this story?

I was a young teen enjoying the fun and excitement of a kitchen full of friends, family and yummy food. As I reached for one of my favorite treats, a homemade dark-chocolate brownie, a young guy standing across the room smirked at me and said loudly:

“Once on your lips, forever on your hips.”

I shrunk back from the counter, brownie in hand, cheeks burning bright red with shame and humiliation. Shoulders slumped, head down, I turned away without saying a word and headed to a quiet corner to eat my brownie alone. Sadly, it didn’t taste as good as it usually did.

Those eight words stung. This is what they meant to my 12-year-old mind:

• I should be worried about my weight.
   

• I should fear gaining weight.
   

• Eating treats, like brownies, will make me gain weight, which makes them bad.
   

• Eating bad foods makes me a bad person.
   

• I will have to pay for my food sins.
   

• People are observing and judging my actions.
   

• If I eat bad food, I better do it while no one is watching. 
   

• If I eat bad food, I will immediately gain weight. 
   

• I need to vigilantly monitor every morsel I eat.
   

• With a body like this, I don’t deserve to eat treats.
   

• I am somehow falling short.

Cemented Core Beliefs
This incident further cemented many core beliefs about food and body that had begun taking root inside my increasingly self-conscious teenage self as I attempted to navigate a culture obsessed with dieting and skinniness. 

These core beliefs led to decades of deprivation and overindulgence, playing Hide and Eat, and making food choices based not on nourishment and pleasure, but rather on how they would impact my weight.

And, they contributed to years of warring with my body and bouncing between good-girl/bad-girl status depending upon whether I ate a big bowl of broccoli or a big bowl of ice cream. Guilt and shame were constant dining companions.

Three Takeaways
While there are many takeaways from my story, there are three key ones I want to emphasize: 

1. The Power of Words
My hope is that this story will remind you of the tremendous power of your words and to be extremely conscientious and thoughtful about the comments you make to others regarding their body, food choices and eating habits.

This is especially important with children, teenagers and young adults, who are so incredibly impressionable, eager to be loved and belong, and struggling to develop a strong sense of self. 

This also includes negative, disempowering comments you make about yourself to yourself and others about your own body and food choices, which come from your own core beliefs and can easily influence other people's core beliefs.

2. You're Not Alone
I shared this story to let you know that if your food choices, eating habits and/or body shape make you feel guilty, ashamed, embarrassed or unworthy, you’re not alone and it's not your fault. 

Many of us experience these same feelings. 

Most likely, your beliefs and actions are being driven by a set of core beliefs you adopted at a very young age, that are often influenced by repeated messages you received from others, your environment and diet/weight loss culture.

3. You Can Change
Lastly, may my story reassure you that you have the capacity to change your core beliefs and transform your relationship with food, eating and your body into a more nourishing, loving, relaxed and peaceful one, just as I've done (and continue to do). I don’t have any magical powers. If I can do it, you can do it. 

One of the first places to start is sharing your own stories in a safe and accepting space, whether it’s with a trusted friend, therapist, coach or support group. For most of us, exposing this dark, messy side of ourselves is really scary. 

It wasn't easy when I first started talking about aspects of myself that I had long kept hidden. I still feel a bit of vulnerability and fear every time I share one of my stories.

However, over time, I’ve found doing so has helped me cultivate greater self-acceptance and unconditional self-love. And, it's helped me release my feelings of shame and create deeper connections with others who can relate to my experience.

As shame and vulnerability expert Dr. Brene Brown says:

"If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can't survive."

How Do You Control Your Appetite?

Naturally, after bragging about how I never get sick to a gym mate, I was struck down with a nasty flu bug. My long list of symptoms included zero appetite. Not only was I not hungry, everything I ate tasted awful. 

After nearly two weeks, I knew I was on the road to recovery when I woke up one morning with a voracious appetite. It felt so good to feel hungry and get pleasure from food again.

Controlling Appetite
My experience prompted me to reflect on the importance of appetite. 

Every day, we're bombarded with messages about how to control, suppress or conquer our appetite. Thus, it's no surprise that many of us view our appetite as the enemy, something that can't be trusted, something to fear, something that must be controlled.

When you think about it, however, your appetite is essential for life. It keeps you alive by telling you it's time to eat. Fighting it simply goes against the laws of nature. 

Fighting your appetite also leads to cravings, binge eating and overeating. And, fighting anything puts your body in the physiologic stress response, which increases cortisol, a hormone that, when constantly elevated, contributes to adverse health conditions.

Yet, so many of us have been trained to believe that having an appetite is bad and that controlling it is good. 

In Caroline Knapp's book, Appetites, she speaks of our culturally conditioned suspicion that "hungers themselves are somehow invalid or wrong, that indulgences must be earned and paid for, that the satisfaction of appetites often comes with a bill...

...appetites are at best risky, at worst impermissible...yielding to hunger may be permissible under certain conditions, but most likely it's something to be Earned or Monitored and Controlled. A controlled appetite, prerequisite for slenderness, connotes beauty, desirability, worthiness."

Your Appetite: Friend or Foe?
How would you describe your relationship with your appetite?

Is it your friend or foe? Do you trust it, fight it, ignore it, override it? 

Do you feel anxious when it calls, powerful when you restrain it, or weak when you cave into it?

Finding Your Natural Appetite
It is possible to cultivate a natural, easy and life-affirming relationship with your appetite. Doing so requires tuning into the wisdom of your body and trusting it to guide you—not some external forces or a belief that wanting to eat says anything about who you are as a person.