Please Don't Comment on My Weight
/Years ago, when I was obsessed with losing weight, people frequently complimented my self-discipline and smaller body.
Although well-intentioned, what they didn’t realize was that their praise further fueled my disordered relationship with food and exercise.
It also intensified my fatphobia and reinforced the false belief that my “after” body was better than my “before” body.
When I regained the weight, people made comments to me about this, too.
Their remarks amplified the shame I felt about not being able to keep the weight off and made me want to hide from the world. They also triggered a desire to start undereating and overexercising again.
I didn’t know at the time that my experience was typical, that about 95 percent of dieters regain the weight they lose. Maybe if I had, I would have felt less shame and more self-compassion.
I also didn’t know that it’s inappropriate to comment on someone’s body without their consent. Doing so is so normalized in our culture, that I never stopped to question it, until I realized how harmful it can be.
How to Respond
Whether someone says "I'm concerned about your weight gain" or “You look great! Have you lost weight?” or “Wow, you’ve really packed on the pounds!” the main implications are that your weight is one of the most important things about you and that a smaller body is a better body, which, despite what our toxic diet culture wants us to believe, is completely untrue.
It’s often hard to know how to respond to comments like these. Following are a handful of responses to try out.
Please don’t comment on my body without my consent.
I don’t talk about anyone’s weight, including my own.
My weight is the least interesting thing about me! Let’s talk about more interesting things.
I feel uncomfortable talking about my weight. Would you be willing to not bring it up again?
It’s not okay to comment on someone’s body size, including mine.
Your comment is inappropriate. My body is nobody’s business.
I don’t focus on my weight and would like you to do the same.
Ew, it’s kinda creepy that you’re monitoring my body.
My weight is not up for discussion, now or ever.
Who made it your job to track my weight?
Please don’t bring up my weight without my permission.
I know you mean well, but your comments are unhelpful.
(Shrug) It’s normal for bodies to change.
Do What's Best for You
Responding to weight comments can feel awkward and these replies may not roll off your tongue the first few times you use them. I still get tongue-tied sometimes.
I encourage you to experiment with them, modify them, or use them as a jumping off point for creating responses that best suit your needs.
In time, you will land on a few replies that work well for you. Of course, how you respond or if you respond at all will depend on the situation you’re in.
Unless you have the time, energy and desire to engage in a larger conversation about why weight comments are inappropriate and harmful, I suggest responding briefly then switching the topic. You don’t owe anyone an explanation or an education.
If you don’t feel up to saying anything or comfortable or safe doing so, shrugging, changing the subject or walking away might be the best path to take. Again, you don't owe anyone anything.
Lastly, it’s important to keep in mind that when someone comments on your weight, it says far more about them and their own internalized weight bias than it does about you and your body.
