Do You Lick Your Peanut-Butter Knife?

I remember years ago watching a weight-loss episode on a popular talk show. One of the calorie-cutting tips given was to never lick your peanut-butter knife.

This made me feel sad. Very sad.

Who doesn’t love to lick their knife clean after making a PB&J sandwich, almond-butter toast, or bagel with cream cheese?

It’s fun! It’s yummy! It’s super satisfying!

Yet now, in order to be good and successful, I felt I had to give up this simple pleasure along with all the other things I had already made off-limits on my quest to shrink my body.

Harmful, Not Helpful
Every day, we’re bombarded with diet and wellness culture messages like "don't like the peanut-butter knife!" that are often more harmful than helpful.

These messages cause us to be hyper-vigilant about our eating. They result in pointless food rules, restriction and rigidity. They lead to unnecessary fear, anxiety, stress, shame and suffering.

If you bought into the “no knife-licking” rule, yet failed to follow it (which, if you’re like me, is highly likely!), your thoughts may sound something like this:

• Licking this knife is a big no-no—you know that!

• I am being bad, and naughty, and reckless.

• I have no willpower or self-control. No wonder I look the way I do.

• What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I follow one freaking simple rule?

• Ugh, I really hope no one saw me do that.

• I can’t be trusted with peanut butter; I’m going to stop buying it.

• I feel guilty and need to make up for this food sin. No dessert for me tonight!

• I really want to double-dip my knife back into the jar and lick it again.

• Screw it. I’ve come this far, I might as well keep going back for more!

• I shouldn't do this, but licking the knife clean is so much easier than getting peanut butter off my dishcloth!

Does any of this sound familiar, {!firstname_fix}?

Challenge Your Food Rules
I spend a lot of time helping my clients identify and investigate their food rules. 

We deconstruct and challenge them, exploring questions, such as: Where did this rule come from? Is it true? Is it reasonable, sustainable and satisfying? How do you feel and act when you break it? Does it prevent you from being a relaxed, flexible and confident eater? Is it helpful or harmful?

About 99.9 percent of the time, my clients determine their food rules are causing them far more harm than good.

They realize how their rules are creating an unhealthy relationship with food and negatively impacting their physical, mental, emotional and social health.

As my clients start to shed their food rules, a sense of freedom, empowerment, peace and ease surfaces.

Instead of listening to external sources, they begin trusting their intuition, body wisdom and direct experience to guide them.

And they start licking their peanut-butter knife again.

How Has Dieting Diminished Your Life?

While traveling in Morocco a few years ago, I befriended some young folks while staying at their family’s riad (guesthouse).

After asking them about their favorite local foods, they eagerly offered to take me to a roadside café located on the outskirts of their small town to experience “Berber Pizza.”

Made with a double crust, the pizza is typically stuffed with meat and veggies heavily seasoned with ras el hanout, a mixture of numerous spices like cumin, coriander, cardamom, clove, ginger, paprika, turmeric and more.

I opted for the veggie version while my new friends went for the traditional lamb one.

Bursting with flavor, the pizza, along with my affable dining companions and endless cups of sweet mint tea, made for one of my most memorable experiences in Morocco.

Wouldn’t Have Happened
This moment, however, wouldn’t have happened if I had still been entrenched in diet culture.

I likely would have rejected my friends’ generous offer if I were counting calories, shunning gluten or afraid of carbs.

I would have struck out on my own to find something “safe” to eat, something that didn’t break any of my food rules and leave me feeling overindulgent and guilty.

Or, if I had accepted, I probably would have been distracted throughout lunch thinking about how I was going to make up for eating something “off plan,” perhaps by eating less for dinner or going for a run later.

I’m so grateful I worked hard to make peace with food so I could have such an enjoyable, unforgettable experience, and many more like it.

It’s so freeing to be able to share food with others without my inner Food Police trying to spoil the fun—without all the diet culture noise and the unnecessary anxiety, stress and guilt it causes.

Diminished My Life
Sadly, I spent many years skipping social gatherings, special celebrations and once-in-a-lifetime experiences because I feared there wouldn’t be any of my allowed foods or that I would lose control once I started eating.

On the rare occasion I would attend an event involving food, I was often preoccupied thinking about the food I wanted but wasn’t letting myself have, perhaps even devising a plan for how I could sneak some of it to eat in secret later.

Natural Response to Deprivation
Looking back, I have so much compassion for my younger self as I now understand that my thoughts and behaviors were a natural response to food restriction and deprivation. 

Once I stopped dieting and started trusting my body's needs and desires and giving myself unconditional permission to eat, I discovered I could have a relaxed, flexible, peaceful and pleasurable relationship with food—one that truly enriches my life rather than diminishing it.

A Few Things to Reflect On...
In what ways has dieting diminished your life?

How has it stopped you from living fully, especially in pre-pandemic times? Here's what some of my clients have shared.

How would your life expand if you made peace with food? What "Berber Pizza" moments would you get to experience?

What are Your Attunement Disruptors?

People are often surprised that I don’t tell my clients what to eat, when to eat, or how much to eat. I don't because I don’t have a clue what their body needs and wants at any given time. They are the expert of their body, not me!

My role is to help my clients connect with their body’s innate wisdom and trust it to guide them to the most nourishing, satisfying and supportive choices for their unique being. Part of this process includes exploring their attunement disruptors.

Attunement Disruptors
Attunement disruptors are obstacles that interfere with your ability to clearly hear—and appropriately respond to—the messages your body is sending you, including its sensations of hunger, fullness and satisfaction.

Here are a few common attunement disruptors:

• Dieting: When you’re dieting—no matter what the plan or program is called—you prioritize a set of external rules over your internal cues.
  
  For example, ignoring your body’s hunger signals because you’ve reached your calorie, point or macro allotment for the day; disregarding your fullness cues and overeating because you aren’t allowing yourself to eat again for many hours; or avoiding a desired food because it’s off-limits.
  
  

• Food Rules: Even if you’re not on a diet, you may still have a diet mentality and be adhering to a set of food rules, such as no eating after 7 p.m., no snacking, no seconds or no carbs. Your food rules dictate your eating decisions instead of your body’s needs and desires.
  
  

• Distracted Dining: Eating while multitasking (e.g., TV watching, emailing, texting, gaming, driving, etc.) inhibits your ability to tune into your body’s fullness cues.
  
  Distracted eating can also leave you feeling unsatisfied when your food is gone. Even if you're full, you may find yourself understandably seeking more food in search of satisfaction as satisfaction is an essential component of the eating experience.
  
  

• Eating Habits: Ingrained habits, like distracted dining, breakfast skipping, inflexible meal times and a clean-your-plate mentality, can cause you to override your body’s cues.
  
  

• Chaotic Lifestyle: If your days are intense, chaotic or overscheduled, perhaps due to juggling constant work and/or caregiving demands, your busyness may prevent you from hearing and honoring your body’s needs.
  
  

• Performative Eating: You’re disconnected from your body when you change how you eat when eating with others, such as not eating what or how much you actually want.
  
  You might do this to meet social or cultural expectations, please other people, project a certain image, or avoid potential judgment or criticism, which is completely understandable if you’ve been food policed in the past.
  
  

• Inadequate Self-Care: Not prioritizing foundational self-care practices, such as restorative sleep, joyful movement, stress relief and screen-free time, makes it difficult to hear and respond to messages from your body.

Start Small, Be Flexible
Addressing your obstacles to body attunement can take time, especially if your inner wisdom is clouded by a dieting mentality, food rules, weight stigma, fatphobia and other deeply embedded beliefs and behaviors, such as always putting other people’s needs before your own.

I encourage you to take small steps and to focus on what would feel the most helpful and satisfying to you.

It’s also important to be flexible in your approach otherwise you may find yourself creating a set of rigid rules that make you feel bad and guilty when you break them, such as “I can only eat when I feel hungry” or “I’m not allowed to eat in front of a screen.”

Sometimes, your work schedule may require you to eat at a specific time or while catching up on email. Or, you may want to enjoy a pizza while watching a movie, which can be a really pleasurable experience!

Being mindful of your attunement disruptors most of the time will help you reconnect with your body and become more aware of and responsive to its messages, needs and desires. As a result, you will cultivate a more trusting, intuitive and peaceful relationship with food and your body.