Do You Suck It In?

Growing up, my summers were spent at the neighborhood pool. I have very fond memories of playing Marco Polo with my pals, perfecting my swan dive, and snacking on frozen candy bars and sour taffy. 

I also have a very vivid memory of one of my girlfriends. I’ll call her Kim. She was about 13 years old at the time.

To this day, I can still see Kim walking down the diving board and around the pool deck in her magenta one-piece swimsuit sucking in her stomach like crazy. 

I was struck by Kim’s vigilance and unwavering determination to reveal nothing but a perfectly flat stomach. We never talked about it, but I could sense how strongly she felt her body wasn’t acceptable unless she shape shifted it to fit a cultural ideal. 

Protection from Rejection
Of course, I can totally relate to Kim's actions. Maybe you can, too. 

There have been many times over the years that I either intentionally or subconsciously walked around chronically sucking in my stomach.

I felt it was critical to hide this protruding part of myself that I feared others would find unattractive and label as a weakness, ultimately leading them to reject me. 

Deeply ingrained, I still sometimes catch myself resorting to this tactic when feeling vulnerable. Unlike my butt or thighs, I can instantly suck in my gut.

By controlling the size of my stomach, I mistakenly believe I can control a world full of uncertainty, including how others perceive me and the degree to which they admire, accept and love me.

Liberate Yourself
As you pull on your swimsuit this summer, you may find yourself also getting pulled into the false stories about what the size of your belly (or butt, thighs, arms, etc.) says about you.

Such toxic thoughts can trap you in a negative mindset that drives you to relentlessly beat yourself up for not having the "perfect" body while missing out on all the fun.   

Instead, what if you used this moment as a life-changing opportunity to liberate yourself from the conditioning and beliefs that are no longer serving you? 

It takes courage and commitment to change your relationship with your body, to accept and love yourself even when you don't always like what you see in the mirror, to let go of what others might be thinking of you, to let it all hang out.

But, in the words of one of my beloved healers and authors, Mary O’Malley…

"Nothing less than freedom comes when you can let go of being somebody that needs to be different in order to be okay." 

Are You Breaking Your Own Heart?

This passage from author and wise woman Anne Lamott really resonates with me:

“Oh my God, what if you wake up some day, and you’re 65, or 75, and you never got your memoir or novel written; or you didn’t go swimming in warm pools and oceans all those years because your thighs were jiggly and you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you were just so strung out on perfectionism and people-pleasing that you forgot to have a big juicy creative life, of imagination and radical silliness and staring off into space like when you were a kid? It’s going to break your heart. Don’t let this happen.”

In the past, I’ve shared how I let my so-called inadequacies and imperfections stop me from fully living.

I let the size of my body dictate the size of my life.

It breaks my heart when I think about how much time, energy and life force we waste berating ourselves for not having a better body and obsessing about how to fix it.

I often wonder, if we weren’t thinking about this, what would we be thinking about?

Where would we be putting all our energy?

How different would our lives be?

How different would the world be?

My highest intention is to help end this needless suffering so none of us dies wishing we would have gone swimming.

Pick a New Direction
I’ve seen with myself and with my clients that it is possible to replace criticism with compassion, judgment with curiosity, loathing with loving, rejection with acceptance, playing small with living big.

As Anne Lamott says, it all starts with the willingness to...

“Pick a new direction, one you wouldn’t mind ending up at, and aim for that. Shoot the moon.”

Have You Given Away Your Power?

There were times in my past when I hated my body for not being perfect.

I’d conceal it under baggy sweatshirts and pants. I'd dodge mirrors. I’d hide on the couch instead of going to parties. I’d push away boyfriends when they tried to wrap their arms around my waist.

Many of us reject our bodies when they don’t conform to the ideal size and shape dictated by our culture.

However, rather than self-rejection, what we really need to reject are the lies we’re incessantly fed (and buying into) about how our bodies are supposed to look.

We need to reclaim our power by loving and accepting our bodies unconditionally, and not becoming victims of the profit-making machine that thrives on making us feel inadequate, deficient, less than.

How I Reclaimed My Power
When I started partnering with my body instead of rejecting it, our relationship drastically changed. I began experiencing a sense of ease, peace and freedom I hadn’t felt since I was a very young girl (before I started believing all the BS).

Here are some of the ways I took back my power:

• I stopped believing I could hate, deprive, restrict, starve and punish myself into a version of myself that I finally loved and accepted.
   

• I started trusting my body again to guide me toward food choices based on what my body really wanted and needed. I no longer made eating decisions based on calories, diet plans, my weight, how many miles I ran, etc.
   

• I stopped feeling guilt and shame when I ate so-called “bad” foods.
   

• I stopped constantly weighing myself and letting the number on the scale dictate my feelings, mood and behavior.
   

• I fired my inner mean girl and started speaking to my body—and about it—with kindness, compassion, respect and gratitude.
   

• I created a more body-positive culture by ditching media (e.g., magazines, TV shows, websites) that promoted and perpetuated the thin ideal.

This journey hasn't been fast or easy. But, man, has it been worth it. I’m still a work-in-progress, but I’m never turning back.

How can you reclaim your power?