Do You Need to Lose This?

A few years ago, a very attractive, stylish woman in her young 50s stood up at a conference we were both attending and talked about her lifelong struggle with weight. 

I will never forget how moved I was as she spoke about spending her entire life obsessing over losing 10-20 pounds, desperately running from one diet and exercise program to the next in hopes that she would finally find the perfect formula for achieving the perfect body and ultimately, the perfect life. 

She tearfully shared her fear that she would still be dieting on her deathbed and that her only legacy would be one of a chronic dieter.

I admired her courage to share her story with the audience. I think of her often when others courageously share with me their own weight-loss journeys, and their frustration with the amount of time and energy they spend loathing their bodies and striving to change them.

Naturally, we all want to feel good in our bodies. However, what we really need to lose is not weight, but the belief that we are not lovable, worthy and enough just as we are.

The conference woman spent decades in self-imposed imprisonment. For years, she put her life on hold as she clung to the belief that until she reached her ideal body, she would never be good enough. 

She admitted she was at the event in hopes that it would provide the magic solution she'd spent more than 40 years searching for. And, in all actuality, it did. For what she discovered was that the acceptance and love she longed for was already within her and accessible at that very moment--and it had absolutely nothing to do with a number on a scale.

"Nothing less than freedom comes when you can let go of being somebody who needs to be different in order to be okay." -Mary O'Malley, Author

What I'm Tuning Into [Favorite Podcasts]

I’m a podcast junkie. 

I listen to them while I cook, clean, walk, drive and ride the bus. They make washing dishes, folding laundry and sitting in traffic so much more enjoyable.

I love how podcasts enrich my life. They fill my mind with new ideas and different perspectives, inspire me to take a different path, help me better understand myself, make me laugh, cry and ponder, and nourish my soul.

I listen to a variety of podcasts from Fresh Air and Freakonomics to Dear Sugar. Here are a few of my favs in the realms of health and well-being that you may enjoy as well:

Psychology of Eating
Breakthrough coaching sessions with Marc David, one of my teachers and the founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating. Covers topics from cravings and emotional eating to chronic dieting and body image.

Tara Brach
Weekly dharma talks and guided meditations by Tara Brach, a well-known, warm, wise and witty meditation teacher, author and psychologist.

The Splendid Table
An enlightening and entertaining show on all things food, from culture and politics to history and cooking tips. I also enjoy The Sporkful, America’s Test Kitchen Radio and Bon Appetit Foodcast.

Happier with Gretchen Rubin
Tips on how to make and break habits, and live an overall happier life, from New York Times best-selling author Gretchen Rubin and her sidekick sister. 

On Being
Krista Tippett asks big questions on the meaning of life in her provocative conversations with a range of thought leaders from artists, authors and activists to philosophers, researchers and scientists.

10% Happier
Newsman and author Dan Harris talks with smart people about mindfulness and meditation for fidgety skeptics.

Perhaps one or some of these podcasts will resonate with you, too, and provide some good company on your next summer road trip.

Happy Listening!

She Can Eat Whatever She Wants; I Gain Weight Just Looking at Cake

Do you often find yourself sinking into compare-and-despair mode?

In the realm of food and body, it sounds something like this:

• It’s so unfair that she can eat whatever she wants and not gain a pound. I gain weight just looking at cake.
• I’ll never look that good in a swimsuit; her stomach is way flatter than mine.
• Why can’t I have as much willpower as she does when it comes to sugar?
• Everyone in my yoga class is so fit and toned; I’m embarrassed of my flabby body.
• It’s so easy for him to lose weight. Why does it have to be so hard for me?

While it’s human nature to compare yourself to other people, the comparison game usually backfires. When your comparison puts you on the losing end, it often leads to feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, isolation, jealousy, desperation, despair and depression.

Quite simply, comparison is the death of joy.

Comparing yourself to others is a disempowering, futile act that results in unnecessary stress, struggle and suffering. However, rather than judge yourself for falling into the comparison trap (you are human, after all!), you can stop yourself from continually going down this path of self-attack.

Here’s one of my top strategies for ending compare and despair:

Start a gratitude journal.

Every day, write down a handful of things you’re grateful for—big and small. Be sure to include things you appreciate about your body.

For example, recent body-related entries in my gratitude journal included:

• My heart for beating all on its own.
• My eyes for allowing me to witness the magnificent sunrise.
• My strong legs for taking me on a gorgeous coastal hike.
• My arms for enabling me to hug my loved ones.
• My tongue for tasting the delicious dinner I made tonight.

By taking time to reflect on and appreciate all that’s good in your life—including what you cherish about your body—you’ll boost your positivity, improve your body image, elevate your overall well-being, and be much less inclined to compare yourself to others.

This certainly has been the case for me, and for my clients. But don’t just take my word for it—try it out for a few months and see for yourself.